I just wanted to take a moment to thank everyone who replied. Honestly, I didn't expect so many people to see it. I’ve been reading through everything this morning, and while some of it was tough to read, a lot of it was really helpful too.

This morning, I had an unexpected conversation with my mum. It wasn’t anything heavy, just a natural flow of our chat while we were having tea. She asked if I was still feeling down, and I decided to share with her. I didn’t go into every detail, but I told her what the letter conveyed and how it affected me.

She fell quiet for a bit and then mentioned that she knew about it. She didn’t know the specifics, but she knew he had those feelings early on. She recalled that they had arguments over it back in the day. She told him that if he couldn’t accept me, then they had no future together. But eventually, he changed—not out of obligation, but because he genuinely wanted to.

She wasn’t trying to excuse what he wrote; she just said that people can grow in unexpected ways, and sometimes that growth can be slow and painful. I think he wrote that letter to demonstrate his progress, but in that moment before the funeral, I couldn't see it that way. It felt like a punch in the gut.

I’m not sure if I should have done the speech anyway. Maybe I should have, but it didn’t feel right. I didn’t want to pretend to feel something I wasn’t really experiencing, especially when everything was still so fresh.

Now, I’m trying to concentrate on the version of him who was actually present, who stuck around and became my dad. That part is real, and I’m just working on letting everything else settle.

Thanks again for all the responses, even the ones I might not agree with. I really appreciate it.