Hello, this is my first time posting here because I honestly don’t know what to think or do anymore. I really need advice on how to handle this.

So, I have an ex. We broke up five years ago, but before we dated, she was already my best friend. She was my first girlfriend (though not my first relationship), and honestly, she helped me realize a lot about my gender identity.

After we broke up, we remained friends. Of course, things changed—there were boundaries, and I was okay with that. She eventually got into other relationships. I was genuinely happy for her, because I didn’t want her to feel like she was stuck with me.

Before I get into the main story, I want to explain why we broke up. We were really young—only 14 when we got together. Now we’re 19. Our relationship only lasted for three months, but I loved her for three years after that. We kept coming back to each other, but with no label.

I was the one who ended it because I was extremely insecure. She was beautiful and kind—maybe a little gullible, which I guess was her flaw—and I was just… me. My self-esteem was low. She gave me all the reassurance I needed, but I still couldn’t handle the pressure I put on myself. Whenever I saw other people approach her—guys or girls—I’d compare myself and feel like they were better for her. But I was deeply in love with her, and I couldn’t let go.

Then someone new transferred to her school, right around the time I moved to another one. My ex and I stayed friends because our bond mattered to me, and I didn’t want to lose that.

The new girl liked her—and she was persistent. She really went out of her way to win my ex over. It hurt, but I was also happy for her. The girl seemed bubbly and kind. At their graduation, she asked my ex out, and my ex said yes.

They celebrated their graduation at a friend’s house, and I was invited. I wasn’t close with the new girl, but we were cool. I liked her as a person. I had a single drink that night and stayed sober.

When I got home, I saw a message from my ex. She was begging me to take her back. She said she only said yes because she didn’t know how to say no in front of everyone. She told me she didn’t really like the new girl.

I was so tempted to say yes—but I didn’t. I knew I wasn’t ready. I told her to give it a chance and try to love her. And she did. They ended up staying together for over a year. But eventually, they broke up, and it was messy. I won’t go into the details.

I was there to comfort her again. We talked. And to be honest, I’ve always had a soft spot for her. I never had a serious relationship after her—just a few flings, no labels—because I never felt ready.

At the time, we were seniors in high school. While we reconnected, I knew someone in her class had a crush on her. And I did it again—I built her back up and pushed her toward that girl. They ended up together for almost two years.

Then this February, she messaged us saying they broke up. And the reason? Honestly, it sounded so childish. The girl apparently just fell out of love—and two weeks later, she already had a new fling. They even live in the same apartment now, since we’re all in college.

We comforted my ex again. And this time, I was sure—I was only comforting her as a friend. I didn’t want to be her rebound again. I didn’t want to be the one who fixes her only for someone else to take over.

She said she was done with that girl. That she’d never go back.

But then yesterday happened.

We planned a get-together with our friends. During the meetup, I found out she took her back. I didn’t know what to say, so I just stayed silent. I didn’t give advice. I just let her be.

We were having fun, singing karaoke—then suddenly, her girlfriend sent her a long message. She said she didn’t give permission for my ex to hang out with us.

Like… what? We only get together once a year.

Then the girlfriend demanded a breakup. Seriously—what the hell?

I honestly don’t know what to feel. And deep down, I think one of the reasons for all this drama… is me. I think she’s jealous of me. But why?

I’ve always kept my distance whenever my ex was in a relationship. I never contacted her while she was with someone. I didn’t want things to be awkward. Even now, I don’t have strong feelings for her anymore. But yes, I still have feelings. Not as intense as before—but they’re still there.

I’ve always been about her. But at the same time, I care about all of my friends equally. I just want the best for all of them.

I know I have regrets. I regret not being able to keep her. But it is what it is. I was insecure, and I wasn’t sure of myself back then. Still, I’ll always be happy for her—for all of them, for all my friends.

I’ll always accept whatever makes her happy. But if I know someone is treating them wrong—even if it’s their partner—I won’t just sit back and watch them cry or let themselves be made a fool of.

And if ever—someday in the future—we were given another chance, I know in my heart I’d still choose her.