i (17 non binary) have 3 brothers that are in the age range of 40-30 (i cant remember their exact ages so just bare with me) and the youngest doesnt live with us, so that leaves the eldest and middle brothers (again, in the age range of 40-30) living with me and my mom (58 non binary) the eldest brother, being around 40 who we will name H, hes a bit neurodivergent but not as much, hes quiet and observant. meanwhile, the middle one, being around 32 i think who we will name P, is special needs, like as in he cant read well and stammers all the time. thing is, P is not an average autistic man that cant read and doesn't understand anything, he smells bad and is obsessed with certain animations like helluva boss (that is not discriminating because i actually like it as well) and is also obsessed with using twitter as well (yes hes a heavy twitter user and got so upset about his account getting banned or whatever, that he asked mom to fix it for him) but the big factor of why i dont respect him isnt just that hes annoying or smells horrific or hes always in his room like a twitter gooner, its because i found really bad stuff when i was borrowing his phone one time. when i was going out to the market i didnt have a fixed phone with data at the time, so id borrow P's phone in case i got into an emergency or i had to be picked up right away, i called my friend from that phone so i could talk to them, and at the moment i was high and decided to look at his search history, and thats when i basically found child p#rn. yk how i said hes obsessed with certain animations, it wasnt just helluva boss and adult animations, it was also childrens animation like gravity falls, loud house, and other well known pg shows, so you get the idea of what i saw. now, i know its never good to search through someones phone, but i mean its also very bad to look p#rn of underage characters from children shows. even though that incident was probably around 2 years ago, since then my respect for him as a person dropped tremendously. sure i never was a fond of him before that incident, but i respected him at least even if he annoyed me cuz he was my brother, now to me hes just a man who's apparently still allowed to live in the house rent free at age 30. also, any time i even have a slight attitude towards P or involving him in any situation, my mom (and sometimes even my other brother H) is always victimizing him and stuff, even if the situation doesnt involve him at first. if i tell her i think im autistic, she goes "P is autistic cuz he cant even read, do you know what autistic means?" one time i wanted to go out to see my best friend, so i asked my mom for 20 bucks for an uber, she said she would give me 20 to clean the living room. i didnt feel like doing it and i thought H wasnt home, so i asked P to clean the living room for me in exchange for 10 bucks and some good alcohol markers my friend would give him (before you bash me, i was going to pay him 10 now and then pay another 10 later when i had that money so that it would be fair) when H saw P cleaning the living room he said "if someone bribes you ask them how much money theyre gonna pay you" and he got mad at me saying i was "exploiting him" so i told him i was gonna pay P 10 bucks now and another 10 bucks later and give him some cool markers, and H said "what, youre gonna give him low grade crayola markers?" and i got upset cuz it just felt like he was not only victimizing P, but also belittling me. later on, i just ordered the uber blindly to go hang out with my best friend. i understand he has problems that effect a lot of his life, like getting a job and being social, but he could literally be in a wheelchair and i still wouldnt respect him because of the fact that i know he gets off to underage characters in children shows. sometimes i even feel uncomfy being alone around him, i know he wouldnt do anything to hurt me, but it still makes me feel uneasy at times. and for another thing, i know for a fact that if i mention this type of thing to my mom, she would excuse it and say something like "why do you care? at least its only fiction". thats why i only feel safe enough to talk about this kinda thing with my friends. i dont wanna be ableist, considering i heavily think i might be autistic, but i have my reasons.