Little bit of AITA, big bit of asking for help.

Boundaries : if you're here to tell me we're monsters or whatsoever, nor don't know about DID, please move along. Also not english native, but I'm fluent enough to be mostly understood.
If you recognize this story, and identify us, please don't call us out, but feel free to contact us on Discord to talk about it. We're already ashamed enough, no need to bully us, thanks.

Disclaimers : I'm conscious that DID is an identity fragmentation disorder, I know and acknoledge we're a whole, and I take, as Host, full responsibility about what happened. Though, responsible, here, doesn't feel like guilty. I was dormant, what could I have done ?
I got memory of what happened before, as the Host switch felt litterally like the Primordial Titans memory transfer. I did not eat Dude, even symbolically, but inherited his memory crystal clear, but sometimes, I have trouble knowing who's memory it is (though timeline is helping a lot).

For context : Body's 24, I'm the actual Host of a 100ish alters system, we're recovering a little, fusions occurring, pretty neat. I'm out of a 10yo dormancy, and there was another host for this time, let's call him Dude. Dude was a traumaholder, and most important, a Prism alter. And he was triggered by stepping out of his comfort zone.

We're in relationship with a HCDID system for more than a year now, we moved out with them 5 months ago, and Dude, that was hosting, did -oh so much- shit....

To make it short, he abused our partner is every way possible. But not the "hard" abuse, the toxic one. He wasn't jealous or controlling, but he was lazy, forcing, and deeply marked by traumas.

Our partner did go along, expecting change, but he did not. And at some point he insisted so much that they consented to sex, under pressure. I'm the one who told them that it was, indeed, a rape. I feel trash, shameful, dirty, to control the body that did that to such a beautiful soul...

Take in consideration that, as a Prism alter, Dude was impacting other fronters' behaving heavily, and he was fronting 90 to 95% of the time, lead fronter or cofronter. Even when he wasn't, his influence was everywhere nearing the fronting area. None of the others was able to take full consideration of the situation, none of them knew, at this time, that he did, in fact, raped them...

They were like manipulated, but Dude never did it on purpose, nor he wanted to rape or hurt them, that I can assure, as I now hold his memory. But still he did. And not a little.

Months ago, around 8 months into the realtionship, thanks to their therapist and close crew, they started enforcing their boundaries, stepping up for themselves and setting Dude in a hard corner. January 25, he splitted out his traumas, changed a little, but not enough at all.

Three months, and a lot of pressure from our partner's crew later, out of options, pinned down by what he did, Dude went dormant.
This came after me, new Host, went out of dormancy. In fact, we couldn't gatekeep Dude, as he was way more grounded than all of us, and the Prism was a thing that also made us think we had no reason not to trust him. Even when he was exhausted, he would be frontstuck. And none of the others could take his place and host the system.

Then yea, I came out of dormancy. And a few days after, Dude went dormant and splitted out heavily, vaporized in dozen of alters, fragments, things.

Now the deal. As our partners are care dependant, and have 0 medical help right now (for reasons I won't share here), they only can rely on us, and they got BPD, so they don't want to break up, even after realizing all the abuse they went through. Half of their system wants us out, the other wants to fix things.

I, the new Host, want to atleast repair what's been broken, and change our behavior for the better. Again I'm ashamed and horrified (I did vomit when I learned the rape) of what happened, even more knowing I share things (body, identity etc) with him...

I'm more impacted by autism than Dude was, so I'm often more lost talking to them than he was (but he never cared as much as I do with what he understood, ironic huh ?), and that puts a lot of pressure in each talk we have...

The problem is, our partners struggle to make a difference between Dude and me, and I don't know if at that point I should leave and shatter everything we did together, and traumatize them deeper, or just keep on trying, but triggering them for as long as they'll heal from what "we" did ?

Any advice or opinion is fine, please just don't bully us, as said upper, we're trying our guts out to help them heal.