Since it's been a few days, and it doesn't seem as though the general opinion is changing too much, I'm going to own it and say yes, I was being an asshole, but before I go too far into what my husband and I have worked out, I want to be very clear since some of you like to make assumptions.

I have not been at any point unfaithful to my husband. I love him more than you could imagine. Some of you seem to be convinced that I am in contact with my BIL for the purpose of cheating, and I'm restating it here as I did in the edit of my last post, I am not. I have never, I will never. One of you pointed out over DM that while I didn't cheat on him in a physical way, my insistence on contact with the in-laws would count as emotional cheating, which I'll own.

My husband and I talked about this, and between the comments on my first post and our earlier talks, I think it's best to let my husband have his peace. I asked him why and if he could give specific instances and it went so, so much deeper than I ever thought it did. D has been psychologically just... tormenting my husband for years. It scares me because some of the things that D has said to my husband about other people- including myself and the kids, it's not jokes, he seems to genuinely want this stuff seated in my husband's mind, he and I must've scrolled through years worth of messages, on multiple accounts as well.

I've been floored the past couple of days, because D has never, even slightly been like that toward me. Not the kids, not at least as far as I know, the worst he's ever done with me present is have a joke that goes a touch too far. A lot of you were adamant to point out the comments D made about sleeping with me and I am heartbroken because I truly, truly believed that it was my husband just taking a couple joke messages out of context. D's a crap talker, no subject is off limits for him, and the half of me that believes the best of people simply didn't want to hear what my husband had to say, but I'm happy I finally listened.

D is done here. I asked my husband why he never took this to his parents, which is another reason I didn't necessarily buy it the past few months, but I've come to understand he has tried, a number of times over the years. And most of the time, they either never listen, or they give him a very weak sort of apology.

So there's two main things, firstly what I'm doing- I'm cutting D out completely, he's done. His wife has been made aware of some of the things D has said, with screenshots as well, and she confided in me that he has 'become a problem' in their marriage, I'm not going to air specifics, but it sounds like if my reaching out wasn't the final straw, it's on the verge, but knowing what I know now, I'm extremely worried for her and my niece and nephew. I'm not sure where they stand on my husband's non-contact, but I'm planning to abide by it.

My MIL and FIL have been made aware why contact is being cut and the more I hear about how they've treated my husband, the easier it's becoming. I can't believe I even liked them this time a week ago. So the long and the short of what I've done on my own power here, is I've done what my husband is asking of me, because I can't stop thinking about him, and the way that his family has treated me so well over the years, it all completely makes sense. The whole time they've been trying to put a barrier in and look at me, letting it happen right before my eyes.

As far as I'm concerned, FIL is nobody, MIL is the second shittiest person I know, and the next time D hears from either of us, it's through a lawyer. Messages were... unflattering, I'll leave it there, but it was worse than 'your wife's cheating on you', he's a worse headcase than I would've guessed in a thousand years, which is what my husband and I mainly discussed yesterday. No specifics here, but D is going to be in trouble for this, there's years worth of dirt on D and the first order of things is taking care of that, because there's reason to believe our family's safety depends on it.

As for what we're doing together, I'd say the odds of a divorce now are low, and it's sort of because of the response on my last post. I really think I needed to hear it from a third party, how enormously unfair I was being on this, because I was only thinking about what was happening with me. I didn't hear him out fully until yesterday and it's just a failure, a big, pulsing failure on me as a wife. So counseling is in order, I agree to that.

I don't know what told me to believe my inlaws over him, but whatever it was, it was selfishly driven and just plain unwise, both for the relationship and for our family's safety as I'm coming to realize. We haven't decided any concrete 'when' for it, but I'm honoring it because I owe it to us both, to be able to trust his word against my gut when it's necessary. But it's for further down the line because, right now, we're working out what exactly we can do against D as of right now.

I've apologized more times than I can count at this point, and my husband has been so supportive to me which is sort of breaking my heart. He deserved better out of me, but I'm focusing on doing better by him for now. That's the update for right now, I'm not sure how much I'll be able to share going forward but if anything major happens, it'll be in an update.