Hey again, Reddit. I do not even know if you this how you update a post, but here we go... Just wanted to update because a lot has unraveled in my head lately, and honestly, it’s been… humbling. I had my first real therapy session recently—like, ever—and followed it up with one of the rawest conversations I’ve had with my wife in our entire relationship. You peel back layers and start to realize that sometimes the "problem" isn’t your partner, it’s… you—that one hurt.

I’ve always believed that my life purpose was to help people through songwriting. It’s the one dream that’s stuck with me since I was a kid. But somewhere along the way, I convinced myself I had to chase that dream alone. That the journey had to be painful, lonely, and entirely mine to be “authentic.” So when things didn’t go how I wanted, when I felt stuck, I started quietly blaming my wife. Because she’s always been there. She’s my constant. The calm in my chaos. The one who kept me grounded when I felt like falling apart. And instead of appreciating her for that, I started resenting it. I told myself I wasn’t where I wanted to be because I wasn’t alone. It sounds insane writing it out now, but that’s where my head went.

The truth? I’ve got serious anxiety about success. Like, paralyzing fear. I want people to hear my songs and feel understood, connected—but for that to happen, I’d have to put myself out there. Be seen. Maybe even be famous. And that thought? Scares the hell out of me. So what did I do? I clung to my wife even harder. Because she’s my comfort zone. She protects me. But then I started projecting. Started thinking she was holding me back… when really, I was just scared and hiding behind her.

Therapy made me realize I’ve been using her like a shield, emotionally. Whenever I was unsure, or lazy, or afraid, I’d turn to her. But instead of being honest about my fears, I’d make her feel like she was somehow the reason I wasn’t happy. And man, that realization made me sick. Worse? I realized I’ve had these confusing moments—times when I question our relationship, not because I actually want to leave, but because deep down, some part of me liked it when she fought harder for us. Like if she tried harder, gave more, reassured me more, I’d finally feel better. When she reassured me. When she bent a little more. I hate that. I hate that I created that pattern. She deserves better. All it did was wear her down. And realizing that? Made me feel like the world’s biggest asshole.

So, she looked me dead in the eyes and said she couldn’t go through another moment of confusion with me. That if I wanted this to work, I had to get real help. That if I didn’t figure out why I kept doing this, she’d have to walk away for her own sanity. That hit hard. She’s always been the strong one. And I can’t keep making her carry both of us.

So yeah, I’m starting therapy. Properly. Not just a one-time thing. I need to unlearn the habits that made me sabotage something so good. I need to stop making her my emotional crutch and start being a real partner. I love my wife. I really do. She’s a f*cking prize, and I almost lost sight of that because I couldn’t face my own fear and insecurities.

So yeah… that’s the update. No dramatic ending. Just a guy in therapy, learning to stop sabotaging the best thing in his life. Working on myself. Not letting this be another "almost too late" story.

Thanks to everyone who commented on my original post : https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1jqdono/i_29m_love_my_wife29f_but_i_dont_think_i_love_her/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button