I don't know how to start so I guess I'll just ramble. When I was 11 I met a 17 year old, we used fake names around each other because my friend group was centralized around writing. We went by the names of our characters. He went by Connor, but I called him Connie, lol. Anyways, we grew close over a year or two and he supported me through some family issues. I supported him through family issues too. I viewed him as an older brother and I regularly told him that. I felt so, so happy to have an older brother. I've always wanted one. He used to give me 'virtual head pats' almost daily every morning, it was so sweet lol. I thought our relationship was wholesome until I was around 13. I think I was recently 13. I found out from a mutual friend that Connor confided to this mutual how he wanted to do NSFW things to my character, and that he wouldn't mind doing the same things to me. I found out from another mutual that he was harassing her and many other women Connor and I were friends with. I still remember when I was 13 at work. On Snapchat I sent Connor a picture of my shirt because it had a character on it that I really loved and I wanted to show him. He responded to the picture with something along the lines of "not bad" and when I asked "what do you mean?" He commented on my breast size. I said "ew that's weird lol" and he said "relax I wouldn't date you until you're older, maybe in 2 years." I found that weird and told my (now ex, but still good friends) boyfriend, and then as my ex and I talked more I realized Connor had always made perverted jokes about me and my body. Whenever I asked him to stop he would say something like "you're being delusional, you want this and that's why you think im saying these things" or "stop pretending you don't have a crush on me" all while denying that he ever said or did anything towards me. I still don't know if I was delusional or not regardless of how much my friends assure me he did do those things, not just to me. He tried to convince me I was being abused by my parents (I never was) and apparently did the same thing to the previously mentioned women friends. Once I was 13 or 14 I ended up venti g yo one of those women friends, she was 17 and Connor was 19 or 20 if I remember right. She was PISSED. She ended up yelling at him and blocking him, and then he got mad at me. We argued for a bit. He blocked me. I still miss him. I'm a sophomore in highschool now, and I still miss him. I miss when he was like my older brother. Sometimes I wonder if he still thinks about me. Just today I was wondering if there will ever be or has ever been a life where we could've just been friends, and he never was mean to anyone. I can excuse him being gross to me, I just wish he never was mean to anyone else. Aside from Connor the rest of that friend group has held strong. I still miss him, even though I know he shouldn't, even though im aware of how hurt and gross he made me feel. Connie, if you somehow read this, none of us ever let go of you. We miss you but we don't forgive you. And for the redditors reading; is this grooming? Did he do anything wrong to me, or am I just delusional? Was I the asshole for calling him out?