I (18F) started dating my boyfriend (18M) when we were both 15 in high school and we’ve grown up together and used to plan growing old together. Everything was almost too good to be true. Coming from a rather abusive and unstable household I used to believe my boyfriends love and support was God making up for all the time I spent suffering. He was so romantic and sweet and understanding. He treated me like fictional men treat their wives. But by the time we turned 17, I believe he got familiar and perhaps slightly bored? he stopped putting in any effort or ever complimenting me on anything and was irritated with everything; additionally as news of us had become so normalised, most people only referred to me as his girlfriend and nothing more which didnt seem fair considering he didn’t even treat me like his wife anymore. It felt like he was all I had but I wasnt the same to him. So I suggested a break, so that I could have time to be, well, better? good enough? not sure anymore. But he refused and asked me out again and started putting in forced effort so it wasn’t technically a break anymore but it had gotten slightly bitter. meanwhile I got on discord to play games and talk to people, which he never really approved of; especially this one guy that I used to talk to as a close friend but I SWEAR there was not a grain of anything romantic between us given the difference in ideas and age and well he just wasn’t my type, regardless he’s blocked now. So anyway everything was normal between my boyfriend and I by our 2 year anniversary but a month later he told me about this “new friend” he made who kept staring at him and is very pretty. His friends would tease him about her and he would laugh it off; they would even encourage him to cheat because she was prettier and he never said anything. Eventually the girl herself came up to me and said they talked every night about living in the mountains together and having kids. I broke down crying and he said it was out of compulsion because he wanted her to like him, not the other way around. He promised he blocked her. But theyd still talk in school. everyone including my own brother would tell me they saw the both of them together. One time I waited 30 mins for him because I made him lunch only to find out he was in the classroom with her on his table and he left early to talk to her. I left and said nothing. he said whenever she did that, it made him uncomfortable and he moved back a bit. Then she said something that hurt me so much I returned all his stuff and he cut all contact with me and when one day I called him because I was really injured he said he was getting really close to her. when i found out he told her he loved her and that his birthday gift for her is that he’ll stay with her forever, I cried till I passed out. How could he tell her he loves her?? He said it was out of compulsion again. but then eventually he and I got back in contact and he blocked her for sure yada yada and we’re kinda back together now? but he never does anything romantic and every mean thing he’s said like “well im kinda committed to her (while we were together)” or “I dont see a future with you anymore” or “i frankly dont care about how you feel anymore” or the simple “i love you” he told her all keep ringing in my ears. plus he still took a picture with her on the last day of school and every time she posts or does anything I crash out. and now the condition is such that he’s doing amazing in life and so is she but Im always having depressive episodes where all I do is sleep and cry all day everyday. I still love him and fear that I can only ever love him. I tried talking to others and all I learnt is that I’ll never move on. So Ill have to make this relationship work, but I cant do that alone. I also cant seem to get rid of these thoughts. Its been a year now.