At the age of 20 (m) I met 27 (f) and her 4 kids. Originally was supposed to be a friends with benefit situation that turned into more. We both had our own places me but myself her and her 4 kids together. Come to find out her boyfriend was paying her bills and lived out of state in the armed forces, and she decided to tell her boyfriend of 3 years that she was in love with me resulting in a breakup. Feeling somewhat responsible and really like this woman we moved in together. No relationship is perfect we had our flaws. I raised and considered the kids my own after a few years. 3 girls and 1 boy. When the middle girl turned 15 she began acting out in an extreme manner that did create daily fights between me and girlfriend on how to handle the behavior, this lasted for several years and continues up until today. But 3 years of constant fighting over my step daughter caused a lot of strain. At this point my girlfriend picked up alcohol and I picked up a very financially irresponsible hobby, as I said no one is perfect. Fast forward until today I'm 32 now ex-girlfriend is almost 39 and kids are 21, 19, 18, and 14 all living at home. I found out my ex girlfriend was having an affair for several months, she stopped coming home, would lie just about every sentence, and after about 9 months of her affair I found out name of individual and more information that was undeniable. As we were together for about 12 years, we share a lot including bills. We came to a mutual agreement that we would remain friends with benefits, co-parents, and co-inhabitants until I could save up for my own place while I continue to pay for majority of bills to include rent and the now 3 months rent we are behind. (I stopped paying rent when I found out about the affair and didn't have any savings due to my irresponsible hobby). She is still in a relationship and stays with her boyfriend and his kid a few nights a week and stay with me and her kids the other days. As a man that took on 4 kids at the age of 20, sacrificed over a decade of my life making my family priority over my own self, I feel highly disrespected and that I did not deserve the way things played out. I'm in a moral dilemma right now. My ex-consistently drags me down, disrespects me, blames me, and tells me that if I leave her and her kids will be homeless because I made a poor decision to stop paying rent when I found out. (My thought process was we will get evicted and go our separate ways). But now here I am majority of week taking care of the grown kids and youngest feeling under appreciated and consistently treated like shit with very little benefits. The kids are innocent and only the 19 year old who I am no longer on speaking terms with due to levels of disrespect shown towards me sides with her mom. The other 3 are very upset and angry with their mothers betrayal towards me who they consider their father as no other man filled the role. I'm (allowed) to have relationships so I'm told but anytime one is mentioned or something related to me possibly going out with a female is brought up. It leads to my ex becoming extremely aggressive, disrespectful, and out of line resulting in other party no longer having an interest because who would want to deal with that. Mind you she is with her boyfriend when she acts like this as I continue to attempt and be as respectful as possible don't bring girls back to house or share details. I lost my love for her after some recent escalated disrespect and the continuance of calling me selfish for wanting sex, starting of fights over nothing, and has no regard for me and her kids wants/needs as hers come first. I planned to catch up the back pay maybe get rent a month ahead and then save up for my first last and deposit to get a new place of my own but it's really hard watching the woman you once love be in a relationship and not hold up to her agreement. To top it off she lost her job yesterday, sure she will find one soon but her options are limited and she is looking in the area of her boyfriend which is an hour south and will most likely have to begin night shifts. What do I do? Everyone I mean everyone is telling me I'm stupid and to just leave, forget about paying rent and back pay just get my own place tell her to figure out. I know she can't afford on her own and it would result in eviction of her and kids who I promised if they did right thing would have a roof over their head and bills paid for hopefully giving them opportunity to get a head start in savings. They didn't do anything wrong and while I was considering myself a man for sticking through the pain and continuing to sacrifice my happiness until I got them at least caught up financially I'm being told the exact opposite by everyone that I'm soft and I'm not a man because I am sticking around and not just dipping after everything. It has been getting worse and I wake up unhappy 90% of the time. Should I ride it out for a few more months or disappear? What should I do I would love to remain in the kids lives most of them are adults so I don't need her permission and other than the 19 year old show me respect and appreciation just don't understand the level of sacrifice