I (30M) have been dating a girl (27F) for about three months. Everything has been great, she’s super nice and incredibly smart and we get along really well. She got her masters degree in another country and came back to our home country about 4-5 months ago. From the get go she told me that she had to go slow with physical things which was fine with me. We didn’t do anything besides kiss up until the last couple weeks when we’ve started making out, but still nothing beyond that. Again, fine with me, totally want her to feel safe so I’m happy going at her pace.

A couple weeks ago we had a more in depth about our past relationships and just pasts in general. Over the last couple of months she has told me that she’d been sexually assaulted by her boyfriend in the past. She told me in this conversation that he’d refused to wear a condom and as a result she has genital herpes. She’s taking appropriate medication, I was in a bit of a shock so I didn’t know what to ask in the moment. I did assure her that I don’t view her differently and it doesn’t change how I feel about her at all, but it is something I’d have to think about cause it would affect me if we did get more physically intimate. I could tell she was really disappointed but understood and that made me feel really bad. I’m the first person she’s even made out with since the experience or seriously dated.

My therapist recommended taking time to think about what I want and talking to a doctor which I haven’t had time to do yet but think would be a good idea. I have been trying to educate myself a bit more.

It doesn’t change how I view her at all, I know none of it was her fault and doesn’t affect who she is as a person or anything else that I enjoy about her. I’m having a really hard time with it though because if we did do anything more physical then that’s something I’d have to live with. I’m very conscious about being STD free and even if we end up getting married it’s still something I’d have to deal with in my life too.

WIBTA if we broke up because of that? I genuinely don’t view her differently or feel differently about her but it is something I’m not sure I am able or wanting to have as part of my life.