I (28F) have never had a great relationship with my SIL (33F) she is my husband’s only brother’s wife. We have both been married to the brothers for over 10 years and both welcomed babies into our lives recently. Our history probably deserves its own post but it’s filled with jealousy, bitterness, and competition. We have gone through multiple periods of not speaking to each other which usually end with her “apologizing” without actually taking accountability for what she’s done. She always just wants to shove it under the rug and be friends again.

Well things ramped up after she got pregnant with their first child, it was difficult for me and my husband because we were going through unexplained infertility. I had a convo with her about it and she was actually really understanding. Then she seemed to forget our convo completely and constantly complained to me about pregnancy and told me my infertility was “Gods plan.” When I told her she hadn’t been very considerate of my feelings she told me I was in the wrong for not checking in on her during pregnancy and she was going through a lot and she knew a ton of women with infertility that were still able to be there for her. During this time I still helped set up her gender reveal and baby shower, buying things and gifts for both events, and attended both events.

After this it was really difficult to be around them and the baby. We still showed up for all the events, holidays, baptism. Then we got pregnant with our miracle baby! They did nothing for us. She did not come to my baby shower. She never personally told us congratulations. They don’t come to meet the baby, and when we’re finally around each other on Thanksgiving they don’t acknowledge she exists or even look at her. Christmas comes and they tell us they are busy and don’t want to do gifts. We’re fine with it, whatever.

We’re kinda in a good place again, doing weekly dinners at my in laws, we gave them some baby soap we don’t use, they gave us some diapers they didn’t need anymore, she texts me saying they’re going to make baby an Easter basket. I tell her that’s very kind but they don’t need to. She says they want to. I think it’s a little weird, we’ve never done it before, makes me feel like she just wants one in return.

Then she makes a post on social media saying her other niece will “always be our favorite” I text her saying it’s hurtful. She tells me “everyone has favorites who cares” and then goes on to bring up how we were never there for them. How we didn’t check in during her pregnancy or after baby was born and we know nothing about what they went through.

Once again they say they are busy and can’t get together for Easter, I assume no Easter basket, especially after the conversation. She texts me saying they left the Easter basket at my in laws. I feel like an asshole if we don’t take the Easter basket. It makes us look ungrateful and like we’re the ones denying our daughter of a relationship with them. But we also don’t want gifts from someone who clearly doesn’t care about how they make us feel. I think that’s confusing for my daughter, even though she’s only a baby and doesn’t really understand.

So would I be the asshole for just leaving the basket at my in laws?

TLDR: my sister in law and I have never had a great relationship, she recently posted that her other niece (not my daughter) would always be her favorite, I told her it was hurtful she told me “who cares” now she left an Easter basket at my in laws for my daughter. We don’t want to take it. Would that make me the asshole?