I (35F) have an 8-year-old daughter who’s turning 9 next month. She goes to a small school and there are only 6 other girls in her year. For her birthday, she’s asked for a small sleepover party with just the girls from her class, which I’m happy to host at mine.

Here’s the issue: one of the girls in her year has been relentlessly bullying her for the past 6 months. She’s flushed one of my daughter’s toys down the toilet, regularly yells at her during break time, kicked her in the head (yes, really), and most recently threatened to kill her pets. My daughter has come home in tears multiple times, and I’ve spoken to the school, but not much has changed.

Given all this, I told my daughter she absolutely doesn’t have to invite this girl to her birthday. I don’t want to teach her that politeness and keeping the peace should come at the cost of her own mental health and safety. I was bullied at school and couldn't escape it for the same reasons. If this were an adult friendship, I’d be telling her to cut the toxicity out of her life - and I don’t think a birthday party should be an exception.

Here’s where I might be the asshole: my ex-husband (her dad) thinks we should invite the girl because “it’s the kind thing to do” and that “we should be teaching her to include everyone.” He says it’s mean to invite all the other girls but exclude just one, and that we’re teaching our daughter to be cold and unkind.

I get that on the surface, excluding one kid might seem harsh - but does that still apply when the kid has made your child’s life miserable? I don’t want to be petty, but I also don’t think my daughter should have to play host to someone who actively bullies her, just to avoid social awkwardness.

So Reddit, AITA for not wanting to invite one girl to my daughter’s party?