My friend (25f) is getting married. She’s asked me (26f) and several others to be a bridesmaid. Of course we said yes, but I asked if she could just be clear on expectations and budget up front for all of it. We’re UK based, and the wedding is abroad in Asia. We’ve had a year and a bit notice for it, which is fine, the idea was that wedding was to happen April next year. Since agreeing to be a BM things have slowly started to change. The wedding has moved from April to August, which ok happens but it means flight prices have jumped up a couple hundred pounds. Which ok it happens, I’ll just have to try to save up more. The one BM dress has now gone up to two BM dresses, which are being asked to be tailor made, the bride is putting £50 towards it. Because the bride wants a dance routine performed by the BMs, and a different dress for the routine. So I’ll be dropping a couple hundred on dresses now too. Ok not ideal given the raise in price for flights, I’ll have to be really frugal. But now the hen do is being planned. It’s abroad, it’s over a bank holiday weekend and from what had been discussed so far, the lowest amount I’d be paying for it is well over £1200. I’ve sat down and done the maths, the wedding is going to cost me anywhere between £4000-£5000, for the hen, for the tailored dresses, for helping hire out dance studios, for the flight over there for me and my partner, and then for paying for hair and makeup if I want it done. I had a massive panic attack about it all over the weekend. All my bills have gone up, I’ve been desperately trying to find a new job, I’m saving for a deposit and my own future and I just do not have £5k tucked away to dip into for a wedding that isn’t mine and that has become a source of stress and anxiety for me. I just can’t do it. I have no idea what to do, but I feel I need to tell the bride I cannot afford to be her bridesmaid anymore, the cost has jumped and changed and I just can’t afford it.
Here’s where I could be the AH. I said yes to being her BM, they floated an abroad hen and I said yes, as it was my understanding accommodation out there would be free, now it’s not. I’ve been passively saying yes to everything and I’m worried if I speak up now I’ll lose a friend. I’ve also booked my own holidays this year (only 2 nights across the pond to see family), and other things for myself, like get my hair done, or nails. So I don’t want to appear as if I can afford it but don’t want to pay. I do my hair and nails once a year for my birthday, and go away to see family. So I don’t want that thrown in my face too. I feel guilty now for doing things for myself. I know I’m not the only one feeling anxious about the cost of it all too. But at this point I don’t know what to do. I can’t afford it plain and simple. Even if I ducked out of the hen do I’d still massively struggle. WIBTA for stepping down as a BM?

Edit: will probably delete in fear of the B seeing this!