UPDATE: firstly thanks for all of your thoughts. Just wanted to answer some of the recurring questions in a central place

So in regards to the drinking: obviously the fastest way to make yourself sound like an alcoholic is to deny having a problem. That said, while I agree we are mutually overindulging on some of these dates my 'threshold' for impacting performance is only about 4 pints. Which over the course of a Fri/Sat night I personally feel is fine.

I'm not especially worried about delayed ejaculation and have spoken to a doctor about it in the past who also was not concerned.

And don't panic, I am not bashing away until she's red raw. Sex usually lasts 20-30 minutes and I'm quite happy to stop when she's had enough and I can tell I'm not going to get there.

My concern is that when I am sober she has the same apathy towards me finishing. The other day being a prime example - I had not drunk a lot because I was driving and was quite able to finish but she stopped after a few minutes as previously explained

I think my take away is to have a proper conversation with her as I've probably only referenced it in passing, and make it very clear this is a deal breaker if we can't move past it.

Thanks again for your thoughts

ORIGINAL:

So we've been seeing eachother on and off for a few months. She's fun but, I'll be honest, I've not wanted to commit fully because of her selfishness in bed

The sex is pretty good but she doesn't really seem to care if I cum or not. Our dates do generally involve drinking and if I've had a fair bit I do struggle to cum.

Often she'll cum 4 or more times either through oral/fingering or while we're having sex. I either don't cum at all or if I'm more sober I do cum from sex. I've asked about her maybe giving me a handjob but she either won't or puts in minimal effort

I accept that I might struggle to cum especially if I've been drinking, but I'd like to think maybe if we had sex at night and she cums a few times that it's not too much to ask for a bit of reciprocation in the morning when I've sobered up?

A couple of days ago we saw eachother again and it kind of just feels like the final nail: we ended up at my place. She said she was on her period and preferred not to have sex which was fine. I didn't mind just going to sleep but she said she could give me a blowjob and she's usually pretty reluctant about that sort of thing so I agreed. Thing is, I don't often cum from oral and said that, but I like handjobs and kind of made it clear to her after a few minutes that was probably the way to finish me off. She kind of rubbed my dick half heartedly for like 30 secs then just rolled over and said she wanted to go to sleep.

Her explanation was that she's horny too and if she doesn't get to cum neither should I. I mean, that's fine but why did she suggest giving me a blowjob then? And further I pointed out all the times I was drunk and not able to cum but I still made sure she did. She got pretty grumpy and called a cab home

Consent is important, obviously, but man was it frustrating for her to suggest I get a turn, get me 80% of the way there and just stop.

So I'm thinking of ending things but I don't know WIBTA to do it based on this?