This is my first time doing this, but I really need advice so here we go. Sorry for any errors, trying to do this on break at work.

My (29f) grandma turns 80 this year. My aunt planned for us all to go to dinner with her on her birthday. This is about 14 people. My dad doesn’t speak to my aunt(his sister) but said he would go. So she sends out a group text asking who all will come and she’s not sure where yet but she’ll let us know, just wants to get a head count. I tell her my boyfriend and I will be there. Fast forward a week or two and she updates us the location and it’s the most high end expensive restaurant in town. I’m talking a salad is $20.

Now, my boyfriend and I just bought a house. We’re remodeling it with left over money each check, which isn’t a lot. We kind of strapped ourselves, but we’re ok. But not ok enough to spend $100+ on one dinner.

Not only is the dinner going to cost us well over $100, nothing looks good. And it’s on a weeknight at 7pm. My boyfriend and I typically go to bed at 8-8:30 because we have to get up so early to get to our jobs.

I called my grandma and asked if instead she’d want to come over that weekend with my half of the family (my dad, brother, niece, mom, ect) and she could just do that birthday dinner that night with my aunts family. I explained I can’t afford it and it’s a week night. But she said no that she’s tired of the family splitting up and essentially demanded we all come.

The family is split up because a.) a lot of us don’t get along. B.) they act like spoiled entitled rich people while my side of the family is a little more redneck, middle class/poor, and modest. And c.) we’re all adults now growing our families and working and buying houses.

I told my mom I’m just not going to go because they picked such an expensive place and she’s saying I should because I spend money on dumb stuff all the time. (I don’t, but we value hunting and fishing and remodeling our house and nobody else sees the value in those things). She said I can make my own choices but that she’s not going to be that kind of person that doesn’t go so she’ll just be broke that week and go and get something small off the menu.

So, do I just suck it up and go? And delay projects at our house and be a little broke that week? Or aita if I let them know I can’t afford that and can no longer come?