Hey there. My husband(46m) is an abusive cheater. I(41f) have learned how to deal with him for the most part.

The abuse is very much mental/emotional. He’s a very good manipulator.

He has some specific go-to’s he uses to get himself out of hot water with me.

1. “I don’t remember.” Fool proof, how can you argue with that? As long as he never gives there’s nothing i can do about it. Passwords, meetings, messages, the girls names for gods sake. He can never remember any of it.

2. Lie in any form possible.

3. Explode in a fit of rage. Yesterday he broke his phone and my flower vase. And then went to his 73 year old moms and had her buy him a new one.

4. Just doesn’t respond at all during the conversations we manage to have when he isn’t blowing up. It’s like he goes mute or something.

The last few years I’ve been floating the idea that he has some kind of brain trauma. He’s not abusive, he’s just “sick.” He cant help it if he doesn’t remember…he didn’t mean to blow up like that…so obviously there’s something going on that’s making him act in unexpected ways and making him lose huge amounts of his memory…I’m concerned! He might have cancer!

At this point we both know the truth but he just refuses to admit it. I’ve learned to have fun with it. I’m not perfect, and I’ve grown to be quite vindictive over all this due to my lack of resources to leave him. Please no comments about this-I’ve found the good in my life despite him and unrelated to his presence my life is quite good. I’ve made peace…for the most part. -EDIT: I spent the better half of fifteen years trying to leave him. Shelters, running, restraining orders, getting stalked, threatened, job after job after job lost. He has power here. I do not. Please no comments to leave him. Letting that seed grow is more dangerous than not..another thing I learned over the years.

Honestly i just want to see him humiliate himself in front of medical staff. And then run to his mommy…lol.

Which is why i need to know if I’d be an asshole to do this purely because i want to put him in an uncomfortable situation.

So…WIBTA if i forced him to explain his abuse to medical professionals? Or am I at least justified, lol.