I (15 F2M) am so, so tired. Context: my parents (53M, 51F) almost got divorced twice, full on staying in separate rooms, lawyers hired, court date set, items tagged etc but back out both times. I have never been told why. They have been married 20+ years and argue a lot, generally only about small/average sized things around me EXPLICITLY, but clearly have other larger arguments as well. I understand that it's part of a healthy marriage, but it still seems excessive. When I was around 9, I started arguing with my dad constantly, and we basically haven't stopped since then. It's so exhausting. I don't want to be doing this. I have had some mental health issues in the past (read: anxiety, depression, symptoms of Asperger's without diagnosis) that eventually led to one hospitalization that my parents chose. I lost almost all of my trust in them, however, my mom earned it back by 1. Apologizing and 2. Being there for me. My dad never has, and when it was brought up in family therapy says he "didn't know what to do" and "could I really blame him" and that I "obviously didn't fit in there since I wasn't really unwell" (I was). The hospital was horrific and I don't want to go into details, but essentially if I wanted to sue them I could. When I brought a single incident that occurred up to my dad, he first insisted I was lying and then threatened that I'd have to testify in a court of law about it and that I'd go to jail if I was lying (I wasn't). I really, really, really love my mom and she has been my saving grace so many times. My dad wasn't even really there most days when I was young, and once Covid hit it was just all fighting. I know he "cares", but it is more obligation that actual thought or concern. Any time I express myself, my thoughts, or my feelings around him, I am shut down. He "teases" me by telling me how childish or nieche or disgusting my interests are to him, and then brushes it off as just "his opinion" and that im still "allowed" to like it. (Except for anything he calls "murder-y" like horror movies or harder rock music. He actively tells me that it's bad for me and that's what put me in the hospital. not like. my actual mental illness). All of my viewpoints are simply naïveté, nothing more, that can be corrected by a lecture from him. It is just really hurtful and I am so tired of it. I want to tell my mom that I wished that she had divorced him, and that I am tired of trying to "work" with him to fix "our" issues. I undoubtedly do have my own flaws, but I have been working in therapy for years to try and work with him enough to get by. Would I be the asshole?

Additional context- I am not out to them as trans even though I know my mother would be accepting, simply because my dad isn't, and she tells him everything. Also I am an only child.