Let me preface by, I hope I get all the details correct here. It’s been a weird day or two.

We are a long distance couple, who met in early November, became a thing in early December, and solidified it even more around Valentine’s day. Since then we’ve been super happy and always had fun around and with each other online playing games and hanging with friends, etc. In march we decided to plan a trip for mid April to see each other. They would fly out to me, and stay a few nights and then fly back.

In a few days was their original flight in-time. I already took off work for this trip and spent some money on things to do (tickets etc).

Their birthday was early April, at that time I hadn’t been paid, so I didn’t have anything really for them, besides spending the day. I told them I would have a gift or two for them when they got here. Which originally was planned as 1) taking them to the Apple Store and having them upgrade their phone and I’ll cover the taxes / fees / leftover from the trade-in. 2) getting a s8 Apple Watch given to them to pair with the new phone so they can track their o2 and heart rate (as s9/s10 watches don’t have o2 sensors). I only considered these gifts because they had mentioned their iPhone was slow, full on storage, and was causing them stress.

I wanted to make sure everything would go smoothly, so yesterday I told them to make sure they’re a verified user on their family’s cellular plan, so we could do part 1) which is look at getting them into an upgraded phone as theirs is 4 years old, and has issues.

Unfortunately I was swiftly met with denial, and that they didn’t “want or need any new stuff and are happy with what they currently have” despite the complaints, and despite in the past saying they would like an Apple Watch to track their health metrics.

I sort of panicked in the moment, and I acknowledged this. Though I got short and quiet because I didn’t know what to do anymore for a gift. I know a good gift is one that is thoughtful, meaningful, etc. Though all of a sudden everything went sour. I voice my frustrations that staying in an older device that has storage and performance issues isn’t ideal, and if I’m willing to pay the difference to get them into something new, it would be wise to, otherwise in the near future they will have to pay more out of pocket by themselves. Which is totally fine, and I told them if that’s what they want to do- go ahead. I will just be an unhappy camper if I hear any complaints about an issue that isn’t covered under warranty. They told me they snapped to deny and denied my gift/offer cause of family stress. I was a bit confused as to why that was a justifiable reason. Either way, I tried to make sure they were okay due to dealing with stresses, and they said they weee. They also stated they didn’t want to say yes because they didn’t want to feel as if they had to say yes to me all the time. Which is understandable, as nobody needs to say yes to me all the time it’s unreasonable. With this they did say no to the offer, and I heard them, but I once more pushed it a little because I felt it was wise to do, for future reference of finances and such. I told them I was sorry I pushed a little when they said no, as it’s something I never do. Though in my mind I was looking out for their best interest. Either way, it’s their responsibility if something happens with their current device then.

We went to bed and I woke up today, I was a bit frustrated still cause I couldn’t understand why someone wouldn’t want to take another that would secure them safely for a few years to come, while actively complaining about the issues they currently have. I offered a solution and I didn’t understand why it wasn’t accepted.

Later the day, they confessed to me that it felt too sales pitchy, and that’s what the issue was. Which I told them I never meant it to feel that way. I just tried to break it down into the most digestible information so the gift didn’t seem like I was trying to trick them into spending any money, because I clearly offered to pay the difference and get them into something fresh, working well, and new + under warranties.

Then I was told it because I had some “high entitlement”. That I was “really cold” and “I’ve never seen you act like that”. While I won’t deny I wasn’t frustrated in having a gift denied (I’m not use to that at all, especially with technology as most people wouldn’t pass up new tech for free), and because of that they felt I was acting different or badly, they had doubts about flying out in a few days. I told them, I will never beg for someone to come see me, and that they should make up their mind in this situation. Which they did.

I was told they want to push the trip back until we are both mentally there. As they don’t want to be “confined” to an empty space together and in a bad mood.

I’ve moved past the issue because if someone doesn’t want to take a good offer I suggest, that is wise to take, then that’s not my fault. I did what I could. The ball is in their court for a situation like that.

Though now I’m really hurt, if we can’t be adults about the situation maybe the trip wasn’t ideal at all. “Not being confined” to an empty space together in a bad mood- how would they ever live with someone and have an argument? Couples, friends, family, people argue and have issues. It’s going to happen.

Am I the asshole here for not wanting to deal with something like this? To me personally it feels really childish to just cancel a trip days before because of a small argument. Everything has been amazing until that day, then all of a sudden it’s cancelled. Apparently all the family stress and other stressors contributed, but how can you ever manage to get anything done if you let those hold you back? I have family stressors also, all the time, but I wouldn’t let them prevent me from seeing the people I “care” about.

I know they frequent this subreddit, and it’ll be obvious who I am, and if they read this well- I’m sorry. I’m trying to figure out what to do. Never been in a situation like this and it really sucks.