I (30F) am marrying my fiancé (30M) this summer. We will be together for 5 years on our wedding day. We’re very in love. He is the best human in the universe.

We are getting married in the church this summer on our anniversary in a private ceremony with our families, and having a larger destination celebration with all of our family and friends invited next summer. We don’t want a traditional wedding. We just want to be married. Helpful information is that while we live in the same state as my fiancé’s family, but my family lives in another state 1,500 miles away. Not only do we not want a traditional wedding, but I don’t want my entire family coming here to barely see them, which is why we are doing a destination weekend where we get to spend a good amount of time with our family and friends.

We decided to space out our church and larger celebration as to not put too much financial strain on our family and friends, but we didn’t want to continue waiting to be married. We already delayed wedding planning due to my fiancé’s sister (33F) getting married last year. We are tired of waiting.

As part of our church ceremony, I was considering asking my fiancé’s bio dad, and potentially his step dad too, to walk me down the aisle. I don’t have a father to do that, so I thought it would be a sweet way to combine our families after being involved with the family for nearly five years. Future SIL heard this and lost her mind. For context: SIL did not ask her dad to walk her down the aisle at her wedding six months ago and decided I was going to ask him simply to spite her, which is not true.

SIL’s husband (36M) - who my fiancé and I do not have a good relationship with - aggressively texted me out nowhere a bunch very rude and inappropriate things about our wedding, our decisions, and the misconceived notion that I was asking the dad to walk me only to hurt SILs feelings.
I calmly responded to SILs husband that I was out of town, there clearly was a miscommunication and we can clear it up when I return home.

My fiancé and I were both working out of town in different states at the time this occurred. We did not have time to discuss the matter due to our work responsibilities, so we agreed to talk it out once we got home, and to limit contact with the family about the matter until we could process it as a unit.

The following day, SIL group texted all four of us to set a time to discuss. She said we could do a phone call. My fiancé asked if we could have time to get home, as we both were still on our separate work travel and have not to opportunity to talk as a unit, and we would follow up the next day as we traveled home. Before we could make it home, I was still in the airport, fiancé’s BIL is asking if we talked yet and they both start insisting we have to meet in person that same day. I did arrive home until nearly 5pm. They keep saying I agreed to meet on Monday. I never said that. My fiancé and were very uncomfortable, but we met with them at 7:30pm.

My fiancé’s mom (59F) - who I have not gone into her terrible role in this - in her limited contact had given my fiancé the impression SIL and her husband were going to apologize for her husband’s inappropriate behavior. They did not do that. I will list some of the insanities of this conversation.

-SIL lied about what her mom said about the aisle walking (confirmed by talking to MIL) -SIL and her husband doubled-down that they’re proud her husband attacked me out of nowhere because “it started this conversation.” She could’ve just asked me to have a conversation with her. -SILs husband questioned my fiancé about his integrity and relationship with his family -SILs husband scoffed at the fact that we want to get married in the Catholic Church (my previous marriage has obviously been annulled) -they continued to call our church wedding this summer “a secret wedding” and acted like we aren’t happy and excited to be married. We clearly are. -they questioned every facet of our wedding plans. I truly don’t understand why they think they have a say or right to an opinion. -sister and her husband spent a solid 25 minutes trying to guilt trip my fiancé and I about their mother’s financial situation. They did it solely to weaponize it against us in the conversation. My fiancé and I had already paid for his mom’s deposits on our destination wedding. We were planning to pay for her entire trip, just not yet. I have since paid for the entire trip for MIL and her husband (71M). -SIL asked multiple times why I was “so defensive” and I continued to say “because your husband attacked me. If you wanted to have a calm conversation or just wanted to know info about our wedding plans, you could’ve asked or reached out. Your husband did not need to attack me.” -SIL implied that I am the reason she has a bad relationship with her brother and that I’m apparently ashamed to be marrying him bc I don’t want to post our wedding this summer all over social media… I just don’t want my family or anyone to feel left out of our private ceremony. It’s for us.

I eventually stopped the conversation because after nearly two hours, they were not listening to anything we had to say. I don’t know what they were trying to accomplish… but the messages I received are: a) they are unhappy and want us to change our wedding plans; b) they think we answer to her and a man we barely know about our weddings plans.

Since then, SIL has given a super half ass apology to my fiancé, while continuing the justify all the terrible things she and her husband said. She doesn’t seem to understand what they did wrong and why their behavior is so deplorable.

I have discussed with my future MIL her behavior and her role that led to all of this. I feel very betrayed by her as well, but this is already a very long post. She is at least a little remorseful, even if she doesn’t fully understand how much she’s damaged the relationship with us.

There has been no apology to me from the Sister, or her husband.

So to the question at hand. I do not feel safe around my fiancé’s BIL. I stated this at least 3 times when we met with the SIL and her husband. I think the husband is aggressive and unhinged. I don’t really feel safe around the sister either… she clearly lacks communication skills and emotional maturity, but I can’t say my fiancé’s sister isn’t allowed at our wedding. So WIBTA if I uninvited my future BIL from our wedding?