My boyfriend (22M) and I (20F) have been dating for a little over 4 years, and last year he moved in with me. He bought his motorcycle a little before he moved in. It’s meant more for cruising than anything else. He is a massive car/truck/motorcycle guy, so he knows what this motorcycle is meant for.

He’s still close to some buddies from his old job as a mechanic. They have sport bikes and pushed him to finally buy one. Problem is, he’s a bigger guy and doesn’t fit comfortably on the lighter/smaller sport bikes, hence why he got the cruiser.

I never trusted him with the motorcycle. He has never been a responsible person and has little regard for his health, mostly from growing up without enough money to care about injuries or health in general, and having the freedom of neglectful divorced parents to do whatever he wanted.

He speeds in pretty much every vehicle, including the motorcycle. He tries to play it off as “just keeping up with traffic” and says his speedometer isn’t accurate, but the expressway doesn’t have a speed limit of 95 mph and side roads a limit of 65, so I’m not sure who he’s “keeping up with.”

In October 2024, he went out riding with his buddies. He gets home limping. I ask him what’s wrong, and he says he screwed up his knee. They were going around a tight corner. The sport bikes handled it fine. He leaned into it, saw broken glass, tried to avoid it, but was already leaning. Instincts kicked in, he put his foot out, and it slammed against the ground.

I convinced him to get it checked out. Urgent care said it looked like a torn meniscus and told him to see a specialist. The specialist found he also tore his ACL. He had to lose weight before they’d perform surgery, if he moved wrong during recovery, combined with his weight, it could tear again and require another surgery.

It’s now April 2025. He’s been on desk duty at work and the bike’s been parked since the injury.

I don’t trust him with a motorcycle, not just because of his recklessness, but also because of a family friend who died before I was born. She was riding normally, came to an intersection, a box truck ran the light, and she t-boned it. She was literally decapitated.

I don’t want to be seen as a controlling girlfriend, but this is a big deal for me. We talk about getting married, having kids, buying a house, building a future, but how am I supposed to feel secure when he might do this again and not be as lucky?

At what milestone does it become reasonable to suck it up and be that controlling girlfriend? When we have kids and I have to worry about raising them alone?

I might be overreacting, but I’ve become so scared, and I don’t want to be an AH for prioritizing my fears over his passions.

(Also yes I’m posting this multiple places because Im really desperate for feedback right now)