FYI, I decided to post this because I read an Ethicist column on a comparable topic in the NYT today. The article was interesting, but it didn’t answer the how. A friend told me to ask here because I’d get the unvarnished truth. So here goes:

I 60F took up pickleball about a year ago and with a few lessons and lots of practice, I have become a decent player. I am also very competitive which is a good and bad thing depending on the circumstances.

I have a group of 8-12 friends with whom I play pickleball after work on Tuesdays and Thursdays. A few are exceptional players and the rest of us are decent, but we are all serious. On several occasions, a 50?F, dressed and ready to play, stood on the sidelines and watched our games. We were all cordial to her and often joked that she had a crush on my friend’s husband. One night, we needed another person to play because only 7 of us showed up. My friend’s husband asked her, Tracy, to join us. We assumed she was a good player because she had all the gear and was always around the club. Looks can be deceiving.

When we started playing, it was obvious that Tracy was a newbie. I even wondered if she had played before. She would miss easy shots and giggle. That first night was challenging, but we thought it was a one-off and moved on.

The next time we gathered, Tracy was there ready to play. And, again, we only had 7 so my friend’s husband grudgingly asked her to join us again. She said great. Her game had not improved, and we were all frustrated.

It’s been a few months now, and she basically invited herself to join the group. We all agree that her skills and attitude don’t match ours. She’s also talks throughout the games about silly things, which is disruptive and annoying. She’s simply not a serious player and, as a result, three people decided to drop out.

Two weeks ago, Tracy crossed a line. She accidentally (?) tripped my friend’s husband and he broke his wrist while bracing for the fall. She laughed and told him he was a klutz without apologizing or offering to help. He and my friend went to the ER while the rest of us, excluding Tracy, went to dinner. She doesn’t join us because, I am ashamed to admit, no one invites her. As we talked about the incident, everyone decided that she needs to go and I should be the one to ask her to leave. Thanks a lot guys!

Why me? I used to be a Unitarian Universalist minister and now I am a clinical psychologist in private practice. My friends think I will have “the right touch”. I haven’t done it yet because I just don’t know how. My friends are getting antsy and I am losing sleep. Is there a way to disinvite her to play with us without being an AH?