I got my heart completely torn apart last year when my ex (of 4 years) called off our engagement (3 months before the wedding) and told me he basically lied about wanting kids and marriage so I wouldn’t leave. Yes, I’ve been in therapy. Yes, I’m putting in the work. Yes, this will always impact me on some level. No, I don’t let my own trauma impact others (or I do my best not to). This happened last year but I have only been back into dating for about 6-8 months.

Now to the story.

I met a group of ladies and we have been going to dating events together. We grab dinner and drinks before hand, disperse during, and then chat afterwards. It’s been fun. I actually started the group because the apps are filled with lazy profiles and I was hoping for something better. I have been to 4 events and none of us have gotten a phone number.

For this month, one of the ladies got two free tickets to an upcoming coffee dating event. I accepted it last month because we thought it was for March. With the event coming up, I’m feeling bad about wanting to back out. Everyone else already bought their tickets so no one needs the free one.

I just don’t want to go to any more events. I don’t want to date. I don’t want any of it. My therapist has been so focused on “decentering men” and not on what actually went down in my relationship that I feel like I’ve actually gone backwards. Every therapist I’ve talked to has treated this like a normal breakup and refuses to acknowledge the abuse. A part of me doesn’t want to date anymore and I don’t think it’s fair to do what these men do to us. A lot of them show up with no intention of dating and I’ve always hated it. I feel like I would be a bigger AH if I wasted a guy’s time but I also feel like an AH for taking a free ticket and not going.

Being fully healed doesn’t exist. My goal has always been to be in a place where I’m able to handle my trauma in a healthy way and it not impact my life.