TLDR: my sister disrespected my family and refuses to acknowledge what happened, because of this I’m not wanting to extend more time with her.

There’s a lot of stuff I could say explain the complicated and complex relationship I have with my family, but that would make this entirely too long and this will most likely be too long as is. So I’m just gonna jump right in and do my best to keep this short lol.

I(f25) welcomed my daughter 6/2024, my mom came out from CA to OH, where me and my sister live, to visit from Christmas day(my sister’s 30th birthday) to the middle of January, since we haven’t seen her in over two years. My sister is also 5/6 mins pregnant at this time. Usually when my mom comes out she stays with my sister to spend time with the kids, and because we have a weird relationship I’m cool with that lol. I live an hour away from my sister, so we typically meet halfway when we trade off kids or etc.. point is I’m not down the street lol. So my mom is here for two and half weeks, the first week is supposed to be in Ohio spent between me and my sister, then the second week my mom and sister’s household would roadtrip to see my moms mom in Missouri, then back to Ohio to fly home. During the first week, my sister and mom called me separately to complain about one another and how I needed to pick my mom up. I told them I wasn’t driving the two hour round trip with a 6mon old in bad weather, and if they wanted my mom to be at my house then someone needed to meet me halfway. My sister had work, and her baby daddy was unemployed and his license is suspended so yeah. The weekend is my moms birthday and at this point, her and my sister are at each other’s throats, and if I don’t get my mom for the weekend I won’t see her til she gets back from Missouri, so I do the two hour round trip and take my mom, niece, and nephew for the weekend, telling my sister to enjoy her kid-free weekend. Sunday comes and my sister wants to meet super early, I tell her no because our mom wants to go to church and we will meet at our usual spot after, she has to have my nephew back at her dads by a certain time because they share custody, but I made sure to give a two hour cushion in case of anything. She gets upset, cancels the trip to Missouri, tell my mom to say bye to the kids because she’s not seeing them the rest of their lives etc.. she’s staying with me the rest of the trip and that I have to take her to the airport. I’m not really surprised by this because she’s my sister and this is literally how she is every time our mom comes out so I give the kids the talk about how when I don’t see them for awhile it’s out of respect for their mom and when they’re older I’ll do my best to be there for them, and that I will always love them(this also isn’t their first rodeo but I still like to reiterate to them so they’re not ever confused on where I stand with them). We do drop off, my mom comes back home with me, life is cool, my mom talks about how she breaks out in stress hives at my sisters and blah blah blah. Two days after drop off(Tuesday) my sister tells my mom she’s on her way to pick her up because my niece misses her(this was a lie lol). Both me and my partner tell her that we don’t think she should go back to my sisters especially if she’s breaking out in hives or feels she is being mentally and verbally abused by my sister and niece(I guess my niece would essentially repeat and treat my mom the way my sister would) then she shouldn’t go back. She ends up going back, literally not my problem, the rest of the week continues the same as the first, and when my mom complains to me I just remind her that she chose to go back and while I appreciate that she feels safe enough to vent to me, she again went back. Things are beginning to feel tense between me and my sister but her baby daddy, financial situations, etc.. aren’t my problem, I’m here if you want to vent but I cannot help you more than that. I spent 6mons of my youth living(wouldn’t call it living since I was being kicked out every week but oh well lol) with her and working 20hr days to support her family after my niece was born so I don’t give money lol and the last time I offered her food she told me she doesn’t eat that so not my problem lol.

It’s now Friday, my mom leaves Sunday, and my sister wants to go to Chuck E. Cheese, it’s a whole thing but we get there, and we’re having a good time. My sister is lowkey white trash, she says that I live in the ghetto because the neighborhood I live in is predominantly black, said my partners family is ghetto even those these are esteemed members of church and judicial society, me and my sister have different dads, our mother is half white and Mexican but is very passing and doesn’t like Mexicans(disappointing tbh). Me and my younger brother’s dad is Chinese and I was raised by my friend’s families, so I’m much more involved in the culture and language. My sister wanted to go to this specific Chuck E. Cheese to see “ghetto” people fight, we were the ones fighting. sigh so we’re taking pictures at the picture booths when my niece jumps to get into frame and headbutts my sister in the chin, my sister calls my niece a “fucking idiot” so i try to calm my niece but she runs off so i tell my sister that she can’t do that and that she owes my niece an apology, then i walk away from her yelling because i need to find my niece. I find her crying at the tables and we talk about it, when my sister comes over saying that all i do is talk crazy to everyone and it’s why no one likes me etc… so i tell her she owes her daughter an apology so she looks at her daughter and says “I’m sorry for calling you a fucking idiot”. We go back and forth, when my niece says that she wants to come home with me, she hates when my sister acts this way, and my sister just tells her she’s never seeing me again and that they’re leaving. My sister tears the pictures she took with my daughter in half, blocks me on everything and leaves our family group chat.

Two months later, she calls and texts me like nothing happened and that she wants me in the delivery room. I tell her that I appreciate the sentiment but I would like to have a conversation about how things were left in January before moving forward because this isn’t the type of relationship I want to model for the kids. She says that things can stay how they’ve been and we don’t need to talk. There’s a lot more to this but essentially all I do is call her horrible, I’m perfect, and all I do is punish her for her actions(I call it accountability but tomato potato lmao). We have multiple conversations like this, my mom says that I need to forgive her because my sister doesn’t want to have the conversation because it rubs salt in her wounds, hurts her feelings, and she’s pregnant, which what about my feelings? And when I was pregnant and strapped to a stress test my mom and sister kept calling to let my sister live with me and I was a terrible sister for saying no. What gets me is that my sister called and apologized to everyone about her actions, she was overstimulated and overwhelmed because of my mom being at the house, then why couldn’t she leave my mom at my house? Or overstimulated and overwhelmed because my niece was home all week, well it turns out school was back in session and my sister chose not to send my niece to school because they were supposed to be in Missouri. If you can apologize to people who weren’t even there why can’t you apologize to me? Or just talk to me about what happened? It’s childish, and if she’s not willing to talk then what’s the point. I understand that my mom wasn’t the best at raising us to handle confrontation or accountability or boundaries, but I want to do better. Me and my partner agreed that we don’t want our daughter around her because I don’t want her to be riddled with anxiety the same way my niece is. The racism is enough to cut her off, but now it just feels sad. I tried speaking to some close family friends about it and my mom told me that all I do is stress my sister out so if she goes into early labor it was my fault. I know it wouldn’t be my fault. When I was pregnant my mom wished bad things on me and my daughter, so I distanced myself and while i enjoy the good times with my family, I don’t want the family I’m building to reflection their issues. I don’t hate them but I’m already doing so much to protect my daughter, that allowing them access to her, especially while she’s so young, can cause more harm than good. I talked to my brother about it and he agrees with me, but I don’t know.. I need a lot of validation when it comes to decisions with my family because it’s hard when the people who are supposed to have your best interests at heart, don’t.. hopefully the background was enough because this is still too long and my hands are tired lol