My stepchild (we’ll call Alex for now) moved back in with us December. Alex brought 2 cats. We feed the cats and clean the litter box and play with the cats. We pay all the cat -related items. Alex is here for maybe a few hours of the course of a week (for example, didn’t come home for 3.5 days recently). Alex is an adult but Alex avoids any and all responsibility if they can pawn it off on someone else (weaponized incompetence is Alex’s specialty or superpower). Food left on the floor in Alex’s room, old plates left everywhere.

We said yes to Alex staying here as yet another way to help Alex get ahead, to save money, etc (have paid a significant amount of money for co-signed apartments, fixing the cats after the male impregnated the female, fixed Alex’s car). It appears as though it’s mostly about Alex only saving in order to go out with Alex’s friends (and now take Ubers) rather than saving to be independent. It also feels like this house is being as a Public Storage, free cat sitting and food/litter for the cats, clean shower, laundromat, and a grab and go restaurant. I gave up my office. It was a place to stay so Alex could rest, relax, be safe with the cats, save money, have time to figure things out, etc.

Alex has a car but lets friends use it forcing Alex to take Ubers. Alex does not get charged anything here (no rent or utilities). We buy all the groceries. Alex will DoorDash food for themselves but will get anything for anyone else.

I can’t deal with the sense of entitlement and lack of responsibility. We have talked about this with Alex ad nauseam. Nothing changes, so I can’t handle this arrangement anymore.

My partner is torn—understands my frustration but doesn’t want Alex to “runaway” (something Alex does to avoid consequences, not that Alex has ever dealt with consequences because a smile usually clears things up). I told my partner I would stay in a hotel until Alex was out (I wouldn’t actually but feel strongly enough to do it).

So, WIBTAH if I told Alex to only come back for clothes and took care of the cats (and have to move out completely by the end of the month)?