I don’t know where I should post this but… Let me start off by giving some background information: I (M29) have been with my girlfriend (F29) for almost 3 years and it’s been great. I moved in with her approximately 5 months into the relationship to get out of my parents house. We have been living in a 3B2B apartment with roommates and it was okay. That environment was alright and being out of my parents home pushed me to take on more responsibilities. My girlfriend makes $32 an hour while I made $20. In the beginning, she wasn’t to worried about my money as she is an independent woman and could pay for things herself. Whenever we went out on dates, I would obviously pay but it was difficult. I always struggled with money and did many dumb things with my money in my early twenties and im regretting it now. Fast forward to 7 months ago, we were given an opportunity to live at her parents house and save money to eventually live out on our own. Rent would be half of the cost of what we paid for our room at the apartment. Sounds amazing right? She has her own debt and since she makes more, she puts more money towards her debt. My whole plan was to suck it up for a year and move out to get our own place. Sacrifice privacy for the opportunity to save. She wanted to live with her parents for a few years to fully pay off her debt and then save. (She makes more so she can put more money towards her debt). I was given an opportunity to move back in with my parents for a larger room and laundry on property but she didn’t want to because of her commute to work. I suggested that we live separately and she said that it would end our relationship and that she sees us as partners. So I decided to move in with her parents. This is where it takes a turn.

A month prior to moving, I get into a minor car accident. At first I was thinking insurance was gonna pay to fix it. I had full coverage and a discounted rental rate. A week or two went by to some unfortunate news. My insurance decided to declare a total loss to my paid off vehicle. They paid me more than what I was expecting which was good( 8k was paid to me). I was searching for vehicles when I got pre approved through my bank under certain conditions. Conditions were to find a 2020 vehicle or newer. I couldn’t find a vehicle I desired in that model year so I went with a 2nd option in mind. I bought a low mileage truck and otd price was 42k with a payment of 580. If the accident didn’t occur, I wouldn’t be in this situation. My extra money would have been put towards my debt and pay for things.

Fast forward to present day and the reason for this post: I live with her parents in a small 3B1B home with her brother, wife, and small child, and her mom and dad. I have zero privacy other than our room( she likes to keep the door open and it annoys me because I don’t like people looking in to see what I’m doing, I like to be alone). I am a stoner but do not do those activities in the home only in my truck. I put clear eyes on and don’t smell. I tend to keep by myself and hardly talk. Our rent is about 500 a month for the both of us and we pitch in for groceries. There will be some days where we will eat out but each time is looking like $60+. Conversations with her family is a little difficult because I don’t speak Spanish and her father is hard to talk to. Me and my girlfriend were asked by her brother and wife if we could be godparents to their son. We said yes, but i didn’t understand the scale of becoming godparents. Living in a traditional Hispanic household, there’s certain things you do to throw a baptism party. There’s a lot of planning and spending. I still make 20 an hour and trying my best to tackle my own debt and was asked to help pay for things for this party. So far, I had to take money out of my savings to help cover some costs and there’s still much to plan. Her parents are helping out on certain things but the godparents have to plan and pay. Since I have a car payment I conditioned myself to put money every week to cover the payment and had a nice savings going.

She has been pushing me to find a better paying career, constantly sends me job postings, and I keep telling her I’m working on it. I honestly feel stuck and overwhelmed especially with finances right now. The job market is pretty shitty. I’ve tried uber Lyft Postmates and I don’t get enough action to pursue that route. I’ve tried looking into trade careers but the pay for the first few years is less what I make currently ( I’m waiting for my company to pay me my increase after my promotion). She’s been suggesting hvac, electrician, plumbing and I don’t see myself doing that. The career I do want to pursue (automotive) does not make enough. I love the outdoors and even that industry does not make a lot. I need something that’ll make me money now rather than later. I do not want to goto school for a few years to be in the same boat. Our intimacy life is nonexistent due to the fact it’s a small 850sq ft home with 6 people living in it with thin walls. Went from having it 2 times a week to maybe once a month. It’s hard to be romantic and show affection with her family being there. Lately, her dad found out that we have been split rent and was a little upset about that and asked her if I could pay more. She assumed that I can and told me to start paying more. This is killing me all because I don’t make enough. She is always sending me places to take her and do these dates and plan a weekend trip and I just can’t afford it. We haven’t been going out ever since my accident and it’s taking a toll on me. I know as a man, I am supposed to be the bread winner, I should be taking care of finances. I want this for myself and for her. I don’t wanna keep telling her to wait and I’m trying. I’ve been looking for jobs ever since I met her. I thought by asking to be promoted at work would buy me some time till I find something else but time is running out. Recently she’s been hinting that at some point in our relationship, she wants to be a stay at home and take care of the house type of life. She also says that by the time she’s 30, she wants a kid. I’m all for it, but this scared me to death. Knowing my current situation and knowing I can’t provide and give her the best life is really depressing. I already have my own depression I don’t want another thing to bring me down. I have an idea for a food business but all that goes through my head is $$$. Like how am I gonna buy this or that, where am I going to get ingredients and pay for them? I feel like if I was better with my finances, I wouldn’t be in this mess.

TLDR; AITA for For getting into a relationship with an independent woman who make more money than me? Should I still be with her as she’s the love of my life? Am I just crazy?

I already know that I should be more proactive but being down in a rut for so long makes it impossible.