Is my (26NB) communication issue with my spouse (27NB) something I need to be working on or them?

Hello,

So for a very long time now, probably a year ish, maybe 2, it’s been a problem that when my spouse talks, they often sound upset or angry to me. I will ask if they are upset or something, but the response is pretty much always “no and I don’t sound upset”. They definitely do, I’ve had outside parties confirm this, as well as played back conversations caught by security cams a couple of times to them and they admit they sound angry. It’s gotten to the point where they’re frustrated that I keep worrying they’re upset, and I’m frustrated that they can’t figure out how to not sound pissed off at me if they really aren’t.

In the last week or so, my spouse has started saying I need to “stop assuming their emotions” and either ask directly or just assume I don’t know what they are all together. I’ve tried to explain during conversations about this in the past that trying to read someone’s emotions and mood to know how to engage in/continue a conversation is a very basic necessity to communication, but apparently according to them it’s not. This new phrasing of not assuming their emotions is really messing with me, I feel (and I told them this) like I have no idea how to approach conversations with them anymore bc I can’t figure out how they’re feeling or if my intuition is lying to me.

I need advice, idk who is right here, and even if I did I don’t know how to get past this at all. Any help is appreciated. For clarity: I don’t think either of us is necessarily an asshole, I just don’t know where else to post.