So, my partner is kind, intelligent, pretty, all the right things. However, for the second time, about four months into our relationship, I seem to lose the spark.

The first time, I felt unhappy in the relationship and couldn’t pinpoint the reason. I felt pressured to make it work, so I ended up ending things to try and work on myself, as if this girl was so good, and I wasn’t happy, must be a problem with me right?

I ended up going to therapy and discovered that the key to my happiness is being true to myself rather than trying to be the ideal partner for that scenario.

I went along with my life and started seeing the same girl again about a year later when things seemed to be falling into place nicely. We clearly got on well. I realised that now that I was happier, the relationship would be easier if I stopped acting like the ‘perfect’ boyfriend and just started being myself.

However, this has recently highlighted our differing desires for a relationship. She wants closeness, unity, long-term plans, children, and frequent texting. In contrast, I value alone time and feel secure knowing that my feelings are genuine. I struggle when she doesn’t feel the same way. We’ve had open and honest conversations about this, but she tends to blame herself and get upset, then believes that “we’re meant to be and things will work out.” I find this dismissive of the possibility that there might be an issue we can’t overcome, which isn’t an option for her. I’ve been feeling this way for a couple of months now, and people have advised me to be more cautious and not make any hasty decisions, as it would likely break her heart, and she hasn’t done anything wrong exactly… and to do this twice, both for reasons out of her control feels cruel.. but to stay with her also seems cruel…

So, if IATA let me know, I would greatly appreciate any advice on what to say or do.