AITA because my mother in law favors my husbands ex wife over my husband and I? I just want to go ahead and apologize now for how long this is but I want to make sure that there is enough information.

Back story on the situation. My husband and his ex wife lived 3 hours away from our hometown. He divorced his ex after 7 years of marriage and kid later. Their child was 5 when they divorced. The ex wife and child had moved back to their home town long before the divorce occurred (2/3 years). There was infidelity on the wife’s part but my husband continued stay with her because of his child. After 2 or 3 years of living in separate states and the infidelity my husband finally filed for divorce. It was an ugly divorce. Very. Ugly. My husband was given weekend visitation every other weekend. There was many times he would make the 3 hour drive to find out that his ex had left town with their son, KNOWING he was on his way for his weekend. There was so many times she would not let him have his kid. She would sometimes keep the child away from my in laws as well. The ex was mentally abusive to not just my husband but my stepson as well. She was ugly to my in laws. Keeping their only grandchild and nephew away from them because she was mad at his dad. My mother in law would tell my husband just come here to get him and have visitation with him and keep the peace. It was always a fight with my husband and his ex.

Fast forward to my husband and I get together a year after they divorced, we lived 3 hours away. We ended having a daughter when my stepson was 7 almost 8. My husband decided to sue for primary custody because the ex wife would not put the kid in school. She would claim that she had him in homeschool. That primary custody battle was even more intense than the divorce. My husband let the court know that she would not let the son come to visit in our home that my husband had to travel 3 hours one way anytime he had visitation with him. The court ordered her to let my husband have his weekends at our home. She was not happy about it at. She would say that their son didn’t want to come stay in our home and wasn’t making him anything he didn’t want to do. We were able to have him in our home a few times but my husband would still have to travel to be able to see his son. My mother in law would say keep the peace don’t make him upset and do things he doesn’t want to do.

Eventually my husband was awarded to be my stepson’s primary parent, we moved back home in hopes that when he started school we could get him on grade level for his age. When we first moved back my husband lived with his parents and I lived with mine till we found a place to buy. After 3 months we bought a home. My stepson went to school in a town 15 minutes away and my in laws house was walking distance to the school. Once we moved into our home it was kinda decided silently by others that he should stay with my in laws since I had toddler (I should note that our daughter was born with a lot of health issues) and we lived farther away from the school. My in laws and the ex wife didn’t want him to ride a bus to school or go to the school that was 10 minutes from our home. (My sister in law was a teacher at the school he was attending.

He was 9 by the time he started school and was placed in second grade due to his age. He failed his first year in school but he worked hard and was never held back anymore in his school career. Three years after moving back my husband and I decided to move an hour away from where we currently lived for a few reasons. One it was closer to all the doctors our daughter was seeing (she seen specialist at a university hospital that took 5/6 hours to get to and the other one was a better school system). When we moved into our new home our son had his own room. Literally the day we received the keys we found out that there was an extremely bad leak in the only full bathroom in the house. We had to redo the entire bathroom. My stepson stayed with my sister in law who is in walking distance from our home. Once the bathroom was fixed he never stayed with us. He had a room that was all his. My husband listened to his parents that it would just be easier on the kid to stay with my sister in law because she would be driving him to school. He never switched schools when we moved. Remember don’t make him do anything he doesn’t want to do and keep the peace.

Over the years he would sometimes stay a night or two with us here and there. He might would go on vacation with us. If we ever went out of town for dinner and shopping or something he never wanted to go. He graduated from high school. My stepson and his mother have had a rough relationship over the years. She was on drugs at one point, she would tell him things like “don’t call your stepmom mom or I’ll kill myself and come back and haunt you” She even told him as an early teen that she didn’t want anything to do with him till he was 18. When I said earlier that she mentally abused him I was being ugly because she’s his ex.

He is now 27 years old and has a son of his own.

Here is where I explain the AITA. My stepson got his girlfriend pregnant, they had the baby and lived together in their own place. At some point in time they moved in with his mom, my husband’s ex wife. They lived there for 2 years. The ex wife is now taking care of the grand baby. Both the mom and dad work and they both work shift work. The baby’s mom told the ex wife when she was pregnant that if it was a boy that she could have him. She already had a son and wanted a daughter. Needless to say she doesn’t take care of either one of her kids but does at least live with one, our grandson.

My stepson decided to move out and break up with the baby mama. He moved back into my in laws. Less than 6 months later he gets married to a totally different girl. The girl was someone he dated on and off in his teen years. Now he’s in an ugly battle for his kid. My mother in law is not telling him to keep the peace. He and his wife moved 4 hours away.

My mother in law is the only person that is “allowed “ to keep the grandson which is her great grandson. The ex wife is basically the mom to the grandson even though the actual mom is still living with her! Baby mom doesn’t do anything for the child. LITERALLY NOTHING! My mother in law talks daily to my husbands ex wife, sometimes multiple times a day. They do FaceTime calls with her. She her she loves her no matter if she is on the phone or in person. The ex wife doesn’t want my husband and I to ever watch the grand baby. We’ve offered many times. We have asked many times. We have even asked to take him places and we’re told no. The ex wife has no problem taking him 20 minutes out of the way to my mother in laws house when she goes to the dr but she passes our house on her way to the doctor.

Because I’ve not mentioned it, the relationship between the ex wife and I has been somewhat ugly over the years. We once had a fist fight. It wasn’t pretty. I would say I won the fight because I had her down on the ground and was on top of her but I’m sure that didn’t help my relationship with my stepson. We have been civil with each other for years. We just don’t talk to one another unless it was a birthday party for our son or now our grandson. As for the relationship with my stepson I wouldn’t say it’s the best in the world but he would come to me if something is bothering him, ask advice about girls in his teens and so on.

My husband deeply regrets listening to the “keep the peace” and “don’t make him do anything he doesn’t want to do” He knows it has caused him to lose out on time with his son. Basically it has cost them a relationship. Hindsight! He has apologized to his son for not making him live with us, go on every vacation with us, go out with us if we were going to dinner. I’ve tried to explain to him that he needs to realize that he might would’ve caused more damage to their relationship had he made him do those things because he was living with others who didn’t make him pick up after himself, he could do whatever he wanted and by being with us he would have had rules. I taught my daughter to pick up after herself so of course I would make him who is 7 almost 8 years older than her.

Thank you for reading this long mess and please go easy on my husband because like I said he does have regrets. So many regrets