I (16F) live with my mom (49F). Three years ago, we fled from war in my country (you can probably guess where from) and moved to a Swedish-speaking island in Finland. I quickly learned the language and tried to start over. My mom didn’t take language courses — she started working right away. I understood it back then, we needed money to survive.

For the first couple years, I helped her a lot. I translated for her, helped with documents, went to appointments with her. People in the community also helped, and I’m very grateful.

But now we’ve been here for 3 years. I’m repeating 9th grade to improve my grades and trying to get into a competitive academic high school. I even got my moped license. But my mom still relies on me for everything — translating at banks, immigration, police, tax offices, writing emails, calling people, paying bills, managing subscriptions (like Netflix/Spotify), grocery shopping, dealing with our dog, doing laundry and cleaning. Everything.

She cooks, works, and studies Swedish a little — I do appreciate that. But when I ask her to come with me to appointments I need her for (like signing legal papers), she refuses. Says she doesn’t want to or can’t miss work — even though in Finland it’s allowed to take time off for family things like that.

A few days ago, she asked me to write a job application for her. What she had written was basically: “Hi, my name is... I want to work for you.” I told her she’s an adult and she should write it herself. She screamed at me, said I was ungrateful, and that she doesn't know the language. In the end, I dictated something in her native language and translated it with ChatGPT. She thanked me, but I’m still angry.

Another example: she needed to transfer euros to her Swedish teacher (who lives in our home country). She asked me to find someone to help. I refused because I had sports training, a math test, and a history test coming up. She yelled at me again, called me selfish, and I eventually gave in and arranged the meeting — possibly during my test.

The thing is, I’m trying really hard to get into that high school. I didn’t even start Finnish school at the usual time — I missed normal classes for two years and only had language lessons. I’m finally catching up and improving my grades, but every time she piles things on me, it pulls me back.

I love my mom, and I know things have been hard for her. But I feel like I’ve been forced to be an adult too soon — and she doesn’t even realize it.

So... AITA for being tired and finally saying "no"?