I apologize in advance this is pretty long so I appreciate anyone who takes the time to read it all. It’s hard to type it all out so if I need to post some of the messages (besides personal info) to get better advice I will.

Basically the title. We haven’t talked since because it just kept escalating and I need some insight from an outside perspective.

My best friend sent out an invite for her 21st birthday party about a month prior to her birthday. The party was scheduled on the Super Bowl. Nothing crazy just a small party at a restaurant with friends/family. Now for some important backstory, my boyfriend of 7 years’ father passed away from brain cancer after a year long battle in November. I moved in with him and his family over a year ago due to some family issues, so I viewed him as a father figure, we are all very close and it was extremely hard and traumatizing for everyone to watch him go through that. He was a HUGE Eagles fan, i’m talking going to countless games/parades, whole basement (man cave where he lived/slept) decked out in Eagles posters and decor from top to bottom, always wearing Eagles gear etc. He even painted the wall Eagles green. It’s my boyfriends family team and the Super Bowl is basically like christmas for them. So of course, this Super Bowl being the first after he passed was going to be a tough day for everyone. Even more so when we found out they were heading to the Super Bowl.

I had always told her since she sent the invite that I wasn’t sure if i’d be able to attend because it was on the day of the Super Bowl. She attended the funeral and knew the importance of this.

Fast forward two weeks before the party, my boyfriend’s grandma (His dad’s mom) passes out and breaks her hip in her home. A couple days before the SB, Bf’s mom tells us his grandma was feeling depressed cause she’s lonely and people aren’t visiting her as much as she’d like. She was also especially dreading the Super Bowl and being alone while everyone was at our house together. So his mom requested that we go visit her on SB sunday before the game for a couple hours so she’s not alone all day. His mom would be busy cooking and setting up because we were going to have everyone over for the day. The following day my friend texts me and the topic of the SB and her birthday comes up. I explain to her the situation and that I wouldn’t be able to come, apologizing and asking her to let me know when she’s free next cause I had gotten her a gift and wanted to have a day to hang out and celebrate her birthday.

She responded with a paragraph that included her saying she’s had this planned long before any of my “plans”, telling me to ask his mom if we can go visit his on a different day, saying it’s not her fault we “haven’t contacted his grandma” and saying we have all the time in the world to go see her. I then responded saying it’s not up to me when we go see her, I didn’t know bf hadn’t been in much contact with his grandma, explaining again how it was going to be a hard day for everyone without getting too much into personal detail because it still is my bf’s family business, that I made it clear since the beginning that I wasn’t sure if i’d be able to make it to the party, and again apologizing for not being able to make it and saying we can celebrate literally the next day if she was up for it.

Here’s what rubbed me the wrong way. She then responded with another paragraph saying “i’m there for them 1000% of the time” and how she cant believe I can’t sacrifice a couple hours to go to the party. That if bf’s mom knew about the party she’d rather me go to that. Followed by saying she doesn’t care do whatever I want and she “doesn’t give a fuck if it wasn’t important enough for me to try then don’t bother”. I’ll admit I feel like we have fallouts every year but recently our communication has been way better so I was pretty taken aback by this message. Not having much time to process and also not wanting to argue with her two days before her birthday I told her that she is obviously important to me, and I expressed my confusion as to why she was speaking like this. Explained to her that bf’s mom did know about the party but obviously she would rather us go see his grandma before the SB and be with family for the game. Then I apologized again and acknowledged that she was upset and told her I was going to give her space because I felt like nothing good was going to come out of the conversation atm.

She doesn’t respond, but I still text her happy birthday obviously, cause at this point i’m just trying to keep the peace. I started to sit with my thoughts and really think about her reaction and it started to really bother me considering she always claimed she understood i needed to be there for them and that she would be supportive during this time. Talked about it with some close friends and my boyfriend and they also agreed any normal person would express their sadness in me not being able to go but ultimately be supportive and understanding. Not write paragraphs about how I don’t care.

She texts me a few days later again expressing she was upset and disappointed, claiming she “gets i’m trying to be there for them” but still feels a type of way. I express to her how i was hurt and offended by her response, as well as my boyfriend. It’s a very long string of paragraphs back and fourth but it just kept escalating cause she wasn’t expecting me to be hurt and we weren’t understanding one another. It ended pretty badly.

It’s been on my mind lately since it’s been a few months and i’m honestly just wondering if i’m being too sensitive because I’m still grieving the recent loss of his dad or if it’s normal to be put off by her reaction.