My (20F) ex-boyfriend (20M) and I broke up about six months ago, after being together for almost a year and a half. Before that, we had a "situationship" or talking stage in 2020. When that ended, I couldn't stop thinking about him—I was hopelessly still in love with him. Time passed, and even after seeing someone else, I wanted to get back together with him, even though it seemed impossible at the time. I was still in love with him and waiting, unsure of whether we’d ever get back together.

In mid-2023, I sent him a request on Instagram, and we started talking again. At that time, he had also recently broken up with his ex and was more interested in getting back with her than with me. I was understanding about it, but eventually, we reconnected, and he asked me out. We started dating, and a few months later, he asked me if he could add a "friend" of his back on Instagram—someone he had a situationship with after me, and they liked each other.

Looking back, I was wrong to let him add her because they began texting nonstop and even started talking on the phone. Later, I realized he was friends with all the girls who liked him or had asked him out. Eventually, I asked him to remove that girl from his Instagram, and we argued a lot at first, which really upset me. He would often make me remove men from my Instagram, even ones I had never been romantically involved with. After a lot of back and forth, he finally removed her, but not before texting her and even meeting her once afterward. He told me about it after he came back from meeting her. I let it slide, but as the months went by, things started to feel more off.

He started nagging constantly, to the point where it became annoying. He would get upset over the smallest things, and I always found myself over-explaining myself. I have strict parents, so I had to sneak out to meet him, and he would get angry and shout if I was even 10 minutes late. I’ll admit, he did come to see me where I lived, but that felt like the bare minimum. I was always the one paying for us when we went out, buying him gifts, and even celebrating his birthday (again, sneaking out from home). But in the last few months before we broke up, he threw it in my face that I hadn’t done anything for him.

I was always on edge. We went out with my friends a few times, and once, he told me to “tone down my energy,” even though I was just having a good time with my own friends. We’d often go days without talking, mainly because we were always fighting. He admitted he was the one who started most of the arguments. I know everyone has flaws, but I gave my all in that relationship, even though I was struggling with depression and feeling overwhelmed by problems at home and college. He knew about everything I was going through.

The breaking point for me came when my grandmother passed away. I was incredibly close to her—she lived with me—and he acted so nonchalantly about it. My friends were there for me far more than he was. That’s when I realized that he wasn’t the person I could see myself marrying and I had overly romanticized getting back with him.

He’s in the Navy now, so after the breakup, we lost contact. His sister reached out to me, taking his side and telling me how depressed he was, that he had cried in front of everyone. That really bothered me because, while I was hurt too, I didn’t go around crying to everyone.

A few weeks ago, he texted me again, wanting to get back together. When I refused, he started arguing about the same things we had argued about before. He told me he had changed and that he was a “kid” before, but I found that laughable since this was only a few months ago, not years. I told him he was still a kid and shouldn’t date anyone right now. He kept trying to convince me that he had become more patient, but when I wasn’t agreeing, he lost his temper and accused me of making false promises and lying about always staying together. I told him that I had meant those promises, but that didn’t mean he had the right to test me.

Back in 2020, when our situationship ended, he bad-mouthed me to all his friends and family. I only fully realized this after getting back together with him. He even lied to his sisters but thankfully, I cleared those misunderstandings when she texted me. I still haven't moved on and he keeps asking to get back together, but I know I deserve someone who will always respect me and understand me.