I (30F) recently ended a 10year relationship with my boyfriend (37M), and while I know deep down it was the right thing to do, I can’t help but feel sad and guilty and honestly, a little lost.

We’ve been together since our early 20s. In that time, we’ve built a life together in many ways but never progressed in others. We never got married, never had kids (though that was something I wanted eventually), and we didn’t really grow emotionally as a couple. It always felt like we were stuck in this comfortable but stagnant loop, and as time went on, it became more and more painful.

One of the biggest issues was communication. I’m someone who wants to talk things through, who craves emotional intimacy, and who believes in growing together through honest dialogue. He’s someone who… shuts down. A lot. He would often give me the silent treatment, ignore me when I spoke, and emotionally withdraw especially when I tried to bring up things that mattered to me or us.

I’ve spent years asking for connection. For emotional presence. For help with the mental and physical load of our relationship. I’ve brought up therapy. I’ve tried soft approaches, firm ones, everything in between. At times, he’d say the right things, but nothing changed. I started to feel like I was begging to be loved in the way I needed begging to just be seen.

During all of this, I’ve also dealt with serious health issues, stress from work, and personal losses. And through it all, I felt alone in the relationship. I was showing up emotionally, physically, financially but I never felt like he met me halfway. He wasn’t abusive, but the neglect and emotional unavailability cut deep.

Fast forward to now: I’ve been in therapy, doing a lot of work on myself. And I finally realized that I can’t keep staying in a relationship where I’m slowly eroding just to keep things “okay.” So I told him I wanted to separate. (I thought my heart was gonna pound out of my chest) I told him “I needed to be honest with myself and that our relationship really affects my mental health. And I’m sorry, but I need to prioritize myself. And that’s just kind of where I’m at and I’m really sorry.” lately he has been very kind and he’s been relatively emotionally available but I fear that he’s placating me for the time being. Our lease is up on May 30 and I broke up with him today. His response was “ok, is that all you wanted to talk about?”

When I said it, he didn’t argue. He didn’t ask questions. He didn’t say much of anything. Just silence. After ten years together. That silence, ironically, gave me all the clarity I needed. In the past, he’d argue or beg or push back when I threatened to leave. This time? Nothing.

He hours later asked if I could rub his neck because it felt stiff. Then asked to hit my vape. That was about the extent of it.

I told him I’d still let him use my car to get to physical therapy, and he gave me his PT days. He asked if I planned to move out early, and I told him I hadn’t made a plan yet, but I probably wouldn’t be home much on my days off. That’s where it stands.

Now I’m sitting here by myself, overwhelmed with a mix of sadness, guilt, and confusion. Not because I want to go back but because I really did love him, and I gave a decade of my life to someone who couldn’t or wouldn’t show up emotionally. I still care about him. But I feel like I’ve been emotionally alone for most of our relationship.

So… AITA for finally walking away from something that’s been slowly breaking my mental health, even though it came as a “surprise” to him?