This is super long so stay with me if you dare lol. Me (22F) and my BF (25M) have been together for almost 3 years now (since 2022) and I feel like he doesn’t know me at all at this point and we’re about to make a big decision to move to another country together but since I’ve been on my trip, I’ve seriously considered ending things but I’m torn. I have no idea what to do.

Here’s some context. Since I was little I’ve dreamed about traveling around the world, probably due to seeing my dad travel a lot and bring home cool gifts for us like Japanese pens or Tahitian perfumes, etc. So he did a huge trip around Europe, Italy, Greece and Turkey and ever since this has been my dream trip, anyway he passed away in 2020 but he always encouraged me to travel and so has the rest of my family.

I had originally planned to do this trip before my 21st birthday but I needed someone who was already 21 with me, I asked my bf a year in advance and he said he would ask for the time off and a month prior - still nothing. It eventually got cancelled for some unknown reason but still… he never came through. He’s a really hard worker and takes care of his family (they all live with him so he pretty much provides for them all) so that’s another huge responsibility he has on his shoulders, and these were qualities I fell in love with him for but his job is physically demanding and he works 12hr days, 11days on and 3days off and he just doesn’t have spare time for anything else other than what he wants to do so like relaxing, his ‘me-time’, chores, and resetting for work. I’ve always tried to be understanding and respectful with this but since I moved in with him, I feel like I let myself and my dreams go to make sure he was comfortable, this was my own doing and at the time I had no real passion or the funds to fulfil my dreams so I didn’t mind but I never realised how much it would affect me later on. I also never knew how to implement my life into his lifestyle so i sorta just sat back and lived in his life rather than merge our lifestyles together? I hope that makes sense.

Anywho, after my dad’s passing we’ve been battling for his estate (so like 5 long years now) and we’ve finally gotten somewhere and have been given a good sum of money. When I received the first half I spent most of it paying off my car, visiting my family who live overseas for the holidays (I’m the only daughter left in our home country, my mum and sisters all live overseas) and the rest I spent just on my bf and I.

He’s talked to me about his dreams and I’ve always supported them and he later found a dirt bike and a commodore he really liked and because he spends all his funds providing for his family, he asked if I would financially support him in getting these things (these were separate occasions). So I asked him, “Is this your dream bike? If this is your dream bike I will lend you the money but in return, you have to support me with my dreams as well.” He promised he would and so I gave him the money and told him not to worry about paying me back because for me, having his support was enough.

Now I’ve come into the second half of my inheritance and decided I wanted to do this trip, and he’s broken his promise. I told him about it and offered to pay for us both or wait until June when he’s finished working (cos we’re moving to another country so he’ll be free so it’s perfect time to go, right?) and he just straight up said no he can’t because of work and doesn’t want me to go, he wants to wait until he’s settled in the next country and after he’s worked for a bit then he’ll be ready, but the thing is if you start working in that country it’s a minimum of a year before you get any annual leave, so he expects me to wait a year or possibly longer when I’ve been planning this since BEFORE my 21st. I said I didn’t want to and he didn’t support my decision to go and that was that. He was never happy about hearing about it and it felt like it was coming from a place of jealousy instead of an actual worry for my safety because, and these are his words “You don’t have any real responsibilities. I didn’t just get money handed to me I have to work hard for it!” but i did have my own responsibilities before i moved in with him but the long distance was hurting our relationship so i made the decision to go live with him because he was never going to give up his job for me (i should’ve known then) and also, i never asked for my dad to die in exchange for money and before we got a penny we were spending so much on lawyer bills anyway, so we deserved a good outcome. The worst thing was that I was always so excited just thinking about it so it kind of broke my heart not being able to talk to him about it.

But now I’m finally here doing it, this exact trip. My dream trip. It’s literally my dream come true but as I’m here alone Ive been a bit homesick and let him know I’m missing him and all he can say is that I chose to go on this trip without him so I abandoned him and not to rely on his messages for comfort bc he has to work while I’m on holiday and I’ve been here almost three weeks and he hasn’t let me live that down. I won’t lie I’ve been a bit needy for his attentions but it’s like as soon as he notices that, he tries harder to avoid me? He knows if I’m waiting to call him (bc our times are different so I’ve been working my schedule around his; staying up 10pm-2am to call, waking up at 6:30am to be available to talk) and then he won’t respond to me for half an hour and only msg me back to say “sorry I have to go back to work, but we can call quickly” and I know I should be satisfied with that but after multiple occasions, you start to feel unimportant.

Ever since I’ve been here it’s like we’ve been arguing nonstop. I understand him and how he feels but this whole situation just doesn’t seem fair, I offered solutions like paying for him or waiting until we’re both free but he chose to work instead of coming with me or expected me to wait another year or more until he’s ready to go? But I don’t trust him when he’s already let me down before (a few times).

He’s my first love, my first everything so I wouldn’t know the difference between green or red flags if it hit me in the face but I do know I love him and he treats me so good for the time he can provide. I just know he could be doing more though, and we’ve had that conversation many times but we just don’t know how to take each other’s needs into consideration so that we can grow past this point but I think we’re both at our breaking points. It’s hard, we both really want our relationship to work but just don’t know how and we need to sort it out before he moves to this country with me (I moved over earlier cos he wanted to move in Jan then he changed his mind and wanted to stay at work to get a good payout but I had already told my mum I’d be coming and didn’t want to let her down). I’ve thought about getting us a therapist or something but would love some advice if anyone could provide please?