I (21F) have been dating my boyfriendNoah (22M) again for the past 4 years after a huge mistake I made in the past—one that he forgave me for. Even now, I still feel deeply regretful and question whether it was fair of me to come back into his life. Sorry for the long story!

Context: I met Noah when I was 16, and he was 17, through a mutual best friend. At the time, he had a head injury, and I was worried about him, constantly asking my friend for updates. After a month of me bugging him about his welfare,my friend gave me his number. I called, and we started talking. He was transferring schools and eventually joined mine, where our mutual friend and I were already studying.

About a month after he joined, I proposed to him. He was shy and not the type to talk to girls much, but I already knew through mutual best friend and little games (truth dare) we played that he liked me too. He accepted, and we started dating.

Things were going great until a school trip was planned. I was excited to spend time with him outside school. Initially, he said he would come, but just a few days before the trip, he told me he couldn’t—his dad didn’t allow it.

On the same day, I had a huge falling out with the mutual best friend, which left me upset and angry. I called my girl best friend to vent. Instead of calming me down, she fueled the fire, saying things like Noah didn’t care about me and he wasn’t good enough. In my immature and emotional state, I let her words get to me. The next day, I broke up with him—without any real explanation or closure.

I went on the trip, and when I came back, I started dating another guy (let’s call him John). Noah was heartbroken and tried to confront me, but by then I was scared and guilt-ridden. I avoided him for an entire school year. Then, the pandemic hit, and that added even more distance between us.

By the end of the pandemic, the same mutual best friend reached out to me, apologized for his mistake, and we reconnected. He found out I was struggling mentally and stuck in a toxic relationship with John, who had become extremely controlling. To cheer me up and help me get out a bit, he invited me to his family function.

John didn’t like that and gave me an ultimatum—him or the friend. I was fed up with his behavior, so I broke up with John and went to the function.

That’s where I saw Noah again, along with some of our old school friends. We talked, I apologized for everything I had done, and he didn’t say much except, “It’s in the past.” He was sweet and respectful the entire evening.

After the function, the group (6 guys including him and me—the only girl) decided to go out for ice cream and smoke. On the way, we ran into some sketchy men who created a scene and clicked pictures of us smoking. It got messy. My mutual best friend quickly got me out of there and took me back to the venue while the others, including Noah, handled the situation.

About an hour later they came back , and Noah grabbed my hand, and took me to the rooftop. There, he started consoling me, assuring me that my parents wouldn’t find out and that he’d fix everything. Then he broke down crying, saying he’d protect me and asking me to trust him. Seeing him cry for the first time made me emotional, and I hugged him, told him I trusted him, and promised we’d handle it together.

In that moment, everything was so overwhelming—I kissed to my suprise he kissed back. It was our first kiss ever. As soon as i realised what i had doneI pulled away, panicked, and apologized profusely. He gently told me it was okay and that we’d talk about it later. He dropped me home safely.

Over the next few days, he went above and beyond to sort out the issue, even involving his brothers to make sure everything was handled. On the fourth day, he called me and asked if we could start over and date again.

I reminded him of all the hurt I had caused and said I didn’t deserve a second chance. But he insisted, saying everyone makes mistakes, and he trusted that I’d grown and wouldn’t hurt him again. After a week of convincing, we got back together.

Now, it’s been 4 years. We’re genuinely happy. We’ve met each other’s parents and are even planning to get married. I love him deeply, and he always has loved me. He’s a gem of a person.

Over the years, we’ve had long conversations about the past and forgiveness. He always tells me, “You were also a teenager, immature and easily influenced. We’ve both grown, and you’ve proven yourself these past years.”

Still, even after everything, I sometimes feel that what I did was unforgivable. That he deserves better, better than me. That no matter how immature or stupid i was it was all decisions made by me which hurted him, made it difficult for him to trust people.

So AITA for coming back into his life after everything I did to him?