I (27F) am visiting my mom (55F) for a week. Since I was a kid, our small house has always been dirty, cluttered, and poorly maintained. When the doorbell rang unexpectedly, we’d hide, whisper, and peek through the blinds - pretending no one was home. I could never invite friends over. I never had a birthday party. If cousins planned to visit, we’d spend days cleaning in preparation. I became a timid kid, ashamed of my environment.

When I moved out, things got significantly worse. She turned my old bedroom into a full-blown storage dump, packed from floor to ceiling with junk. Piles literally taller than me. It is inaccessible. I now have to sleep on the living room floor when visiting. (She doesn’t own a couch and she gets offended when I bring up staying in a hotel).

The rest of the house isn’t any better. She hasn’t cleaned in years. There is black mold and grime in the bathrooms. There are piles of junk taking over every area and surface of the home.

It’s an obstacle course just walking around. I feel gross being here.

At first, I tried to grit my teeth and bear it. But now that I live with my partner and have adopted much better habits, I realize how unacceptable this environment really is. I can’t help but blame her—she subjected me to this for years. The thing is, she’s a fully functioning, capable adult with a stable job. She’s just neglectful and, frankly, lazy when it comes to maintaining her home. She is not depressed, she has no illnesses. In fact, she is a mental health professional who offers sound advice to others.

I finally confronted her and told her how disgusting the house is (using nicer words). She was shocked, completely in denial. She said she’s doing the best she can and that her job is too demanding to keep the house clean (she works from home, Monday to Friday, 9–5). She told me not to compare her to other women who have “easier lives”. She was very combative and called me ungrateful, bitter, “princess” and “your highness” sarcastically.

The truth is, I love her. That’s why it’s so painful to see her living like this. I want her to care enough to improve her space—not just for herself, but so I can comfortably visit without feeling overwhelmed or ashamed like I have my whole life. I’ve even kept my partner from meeting her properly because I’m too embarrassed to bring him over.

So, AITA for telling her the truth?

TL;DR: I told my mom her house is filthy and that it’s depressing to visit. She got defensive and called me ungrateful, but I just want better for her.