For context my boyfriend (25, M) and I (26, F) have been together for 7 years, engaged for 2 years and we live together. He has a pretty rare illness that causes him a lot of pain and discomfort and he can’t eat properly thus has lost a lot of weight. The night is pretty bad for him bc of the pain so I’ve been sleeping on the couch for the past month. It’s a chronic illness so all we can do is try out different therapies and try and manage the symptoms. Bc of his illness he can’t work so I’ve been taking care of most of our expenses while working as a nurse and going to classes for my advanced training as a pediatrician. I’ve also been managing most of the household and try to find new dishes to cook for him because he can’t have oily food or too much fiber. Everyone has been stressed especially my future MIL. We have a decent relationship eventho she disapproved of me in the beginning bc I’m not a “blond Russian” (I’m Asian). My fiancée is very stubborn and has refused doctor visits bc “it’s just part of the illness”. I understand that there are waves of nausea and pain but in my opinion having to endure pain and not being able to eat or drink anything for days is not part of it. I’ve begged him to go to the doctor for almost a week before he finally gave in and got some medication. Sadly his condition only got worse and his pain kept increasing. I wanted to call an ambulance but both my boyfriend and his mom kept telling me not to do anything he doesn’t want so I had to oblige and tried to make the best of the situation. I’ve tried new dishes and tried everything I could from trying to be there for him emotionally to even trying to leave him alone. I can’t comprehend his pain and I wish I could take it away from him but everything I did bothered him. He didn’t drink eventho I’d put new water and tea next to him every day before going to work and made him something to eat. (He hates soups but those are helpful….everything that’s good for his condition he refused bc he didn’t like it). So after watching him suffer for two weeks and having to deal with sick patients at work I just couldn’t take it anymore. I begged him to go to the hospital but him and my MIL kept refusing so I snapped. I told him to either get medical help or go to his parents place because seeing him in pain but refusing to get help broke me. He ofc refused to go to his parents place (eventho he’d have company most of the time and someone could watch over him since he has his dad and his mom and at our place it was only me, who worked sometimes up to 10h per day plus our two cats). His mother accused me of throwing him away by sending him to their place and told me to just separate since I don’t want to deal with him or his illness. That hurt me a lot since I’ve only suggested this idea bc I was worried of leaving him alone for a long time. My fiancée understood my worries and told me to ignore his mom but ofc I couldn’t. He finally ended up going to the hospital and stayed there for almost a week. (I feel horrible saying it but it was nice to know that he is taken care of and I can sleep in my bed again). I’ve asked him every day if I could visit him and he refused. I didn’t want to stress him more so I did what he wanted. His mother again got mad at me for not caring and not visiting him once eventho I told her multiple times that he doesn’t want to see me until he’s healthy. Ofc that statement hurt and I’ve missed him every day but I didn’t want to cause more stress or make him do smth he doesn’t want. Today he came home out of nowhere. I knew he was gonna get discharged today but I didn’t know the exact time. I’ve asked him multiple times to let me know bc I’d make him smth to eat or drink but he always told me he didn’t know. So at 10am he just opened the door and walked in. I was confused, angry and scared bc he had carried his luggage by himself up the stairs and I was worried he was exhausted. I went to hug him but he told me to not touch him so I tried my best to let him have his space. He went and took a shower and asked for some mashed potatoes which I gladly started preparing. While waiting for the potatoes to boil I was playing with our cats (they get the zoomies and run around a lot. They’re also a bit loud) and he got annoyed to not do that. So I took the cats to the living room to continue playing there but he got angry and snapped at me. He asked what I’ve done for him and why he can’t have some peace and quiet in his home. I was ofc confused and angry because that statement just seemed wrong. I told him I’ve done everything I could and asked why he would say such a thing and he said that he has to carry his luggage by himself up the stairs and apparently I’ve been distant and going away from him every since he got home. I was hurt by that statement and tried to explain that I didn’t know he would be home and if he called I would’ve ran downstairs to help and that I’ve only kept my distance bc he told me he didn’t wanna be touched. He said that he only said that in the moment because he was tired so I told him that I can’t read minds and he should’ve communicated. At this point tears were pouring down my face because I was so hurt by his accusation since all I’ve done for the past month was to take care of him. My crying made him even more angry and he started throwing things around so I ran into the bathroom to calm myself down bc I didn’t want to cause more stress. Now I’m still in the bathroom and I’ve calmed down a bit. I still feel hurt and like a horrible fiancée and girlfriend and I don’t know what to do. Am I really the asshole? If yes what can I do to change..