I (38 Male) and my girlfriend (36) met nearly 3 years ago. We were just friends for the first 2 years. A year ago, we started a committed relationship. Approximately 3 months into the relationship, she introduced me to her boys; ages 7 and 11. Around the same time, I met her parents and her sister.

I'll provide some background details of our lives up to that point. She was married for 7 years to the father of her two kids. She was recently divorced when we became friends 3 years ago. She comes from a wealthy family with old money. Her parents got an inheritance when she was young, and essential her parents work a few hours each day managing an office complex. My girlfriend has a pretty good job working in the medical field. She works 3 or 4 12 hour shifts a week. The children's father is a drug addict, self-absorbed loser. He's years behind in child support, and almost never shows up when he says he'll take the kids. He has the kids less than 2 days a month on average. And he just isn't dependable enough to make plans around him having the kids. So, for the most part, on days she works past school hours or has a weekend shift; her parents or her sister pick up the kids from school, drop them off, and watch them. She has grown up a privileged life, with plenty of advantages, someone picking her up on each mistake, and she currently lives in a condo her parents own and pay all the bills for.

I come from a middle class family. Nothing was handed to me. And I worked very hard to get to where I am. I have no kids, and have never been married. I'm not careless and make solid decisions. At 38 I'm likely less then 10 years from retirement. I work on an oil and gas assest in the middle of the ocean. My work trips are usually 15-43 days in which I work 14 hours a day. I work every day of the trip. Their are no off days while on my work trip. It's a gueling 14 hours a day for sometimes as many as 43 days straight. It's a very difficult job, but it pays really well. I make Approximately 3 times more than she does. My time at home is typically 6 days off. But occasionally I have up to 12 days off. I own a house and a rental property and continue to make other moves to setup for retirement. I usually have a lot piling up while I'm gone on work trips. So the time home can also be a crunch.

We have a great relationship, we treat each other great and their is a lot of love. We communicate well and even with limited time together we fulfill each other's needs. I occasionally help her out financially with several hundred dollars a month. But almost anything we do together; with or without the kids I pay for fully. Recently we went on ski vacation with her two kids. I paud for all most costs, the entire condo and travel costs. In the end she spent 4k and I spent 7k. Her 4k was mostly on ski lessons for the kids, outfits, souvenirs, and food. Skiing is expensive. I even paid for my own birthday dinner while on vacation. But really this post isn't about the money; i just felt it necessary to make it clear I ask her for nothing, and I feel I'm very giving. On top of that I upkeep my own house and she comes and stays often when I'm home; I've provided a bedroom for the kids as well. She mostly stays at her condo when I'm away at work.

After meeting the kids 9 months ago I have attended every sporting event they've played in while I am home from work. Their father attended none of them. I've picked them up and dropped them off to school a few times. So far we've had 6 occasions where I've been home and the she worked a weekend day. Those times I have kept the kids for the morning, fed them and dropped them off to their grandparents around noon each time. I have bought them nice gifts for Christmas and birthdays.

My girlfriend is very sweet and very patient. She'll do anything for her kids. She never raises her voice to them, and they are absolutely spoiled. The children's behavior is not good. The act entitled, and order her around like a servant. It's very hard to watch and listen too. I'm having a harder time connecting with the children because I don't like their behavior. I have not corrected them but it's difficult to bite my tounge at this point. I was raised to help yourself, nobody is your servant and after coming home from weeks of hard blue collar work; it's difficult to see this behavior in my house from young boys that are enjoying all the luxuries of life. I've spoken to my girlfriend about this and she doesn't disagree with me. And I told her I'd continue to make progress on building a relationship with the boys, but this behavior is not making it easy.

This brings me to my actual problem. We recently had our first argument. A year into our relationship.

Recently I got home from a 22 day work trip. The first day home we spent together. It was a day off for both of us and we both cleared our schedules to spend quality time together. We had a morning of peace before she got the kids from school. After the kids got put to bed, she was on the phone with her mom. She got off and was crying. I asked her what was wrong and she told me that her father said he was going on strike from watching the kids. The grandparents were supposed to provide about 26 hours of care; to allow her to work two days. Friday and Saturday. Without anyone to get them from school the next day; she'd have to call out of work for two days.

I asked why her dad was going on strike. She claims he said that he felt that I need to step up and provide more for her kids. I was completely blind sided by this view. I pay for everything we do together, I occasionally help watch them for short periods, it's only been 9 months since I met them, their father hasn't seen them in months, I just got home from working 308 hours over 22 days, where I haven't even been home to mow my lawn. I worked more hours in those 22 days then my girlfriend, her dad and her mom combined.

I think I have a lot to offer in relationship, I bring no baggage, ask for nothing, but my time is limited and she knew this coming into the relationship. I defended myself saying by telling her that her father is over stepping and my contributions towards helping with the kids at this point need to be considered a donation; i have no requirement to provide anything for kids that are not mine. I told her that her dad should man up and watch the kids because his life is easy. She didn't disagree with anything I said. Although she did take as if I dont love her kids. I'll admit myself it was a pretty insensitive of me. I just couldn't believe the audacity of her father to seemingly make me pay for the failures of her ex husband (the children's father).

It's now been a week, and we've only seen each other once, we chose not to talk about it yet. We both wanted to cool off and think. And I told her I was also striking from having the kids over. I felt it was necessary to show her father who really holds the power in this situation. In the long run, both us holding out on hurts my girlfriend and the kids. But I wasn't just gonna accept her father telling me to watch the kids and put all my personal things to the side. So AITA for suggesting her kids are not my responsibility after 9 months into our relationship?