Okay so I just want to start off by mentioning that this is my first post on this subreddit and I’m also using a burner account just in case the people mentioned in the story know it’s me who wrote it.

For privacy reasons stated above I won’t be sharing the ages or real names of the people involved.

I know the title sounds weird but just hear me out.

Here’s some background: Last year, one of my best friends Michael, whom I’ve known since 11, met a girl, Emily, and they immediately hit it off and started dating not long after. Due to Michael being my best friend, Emily and I quickly became close too and she introduced me to her best friend Rachel. As the 4 of us got closer Rachel and I eventually ended up dating aswell. In the few months we were dating for we had been very intimate together, sleeping with each other many times etc.

Although, there was a slight imbalance in feelings towards each other as I felt she was more loving than I was, as it was primarily Rachel who initiated the sex (trust me this is relevant to the story), and I who was reciprocating. She was much more romantic and touchy too soon into the relationship while I didn’t want to rush things too much due to past experiences, however, I definitely did try to to be there for her when she was upset, I’d send her good morning and goodnight texts daily to make sure she knew I wasn’t falling out of love and I’d often buy her gifts and spend time with her on dates.

Now imagine my surprise when Emily came to me later into our relationship and told me that Rachel felt that I was using her for sex. Obviously, I disputed this and said that it was her who actually initiated it in the first place and Emily was confused to why Rachel didn’t come and speak to me about it in the first place but had mentioned that she’s prone to exaggerating things to sound more dramatic, so I decided to speak to Rachel, as I value communication in relationships, and we ended up talking it out and in my opinion, our relationship was quite positive after this.

That was last year over the summer.

I ended up having to break up with Rachel in September as I was going through a very rough patch in terms of mental health and being quite self destructive, as well as balancing workload, so decided that breaking up with Rachel was the best option. Obviously, she was upset and Emily made me aware of it but it was the best decision for the both of us and I don’t regret it. After the breakup we chose to remain friends and didn’t have any issues after and actually became much closer than we did dating.

Fast forward to now.

A few months ago I had a gathering and invited the 3 in the group who I initially mentioned, (Emily, Michael and Rachel) as well as old friends, such as friends in a friendgroup me and Michael had in highschool and people I knew from else where. The only people who are relevant to this discussion are John and Amelia. I had known John since highschool and we aren’t as close anymore yet still talk from time to time. Amelia is just a friend of a friend who I invited out of courtesy.

So after this gathering, everyone invited surprisingly had a good time with each other and the initial friend group of 4 turned into a friend group of around 15, as we began planning more hangouts together. This is where it went wrong.

My friend, John, is a naturally flirty guy, but not only that he’s somewhat tall, muscular as he goes to the gym around every other day and (although I hate to admit it) very funny, he was the class clown back in school, which apparently women seem to like as he ended up going out with a lot of different women, and coincidentally, he’s also Rachel’s exact type. I noticed that they have been quite close recently and John flirts with Rachel all the time, with Rachel blushing or flirting back. I didn’t think much of it as like I said previously, John jokes around a lot and often switches girlfriends multiple times, so I do not see him as a threat.

This was until Rachel messaged me and asked “Would you be upset if me and John started talking since you and I used to date?”

I do appreciate her asking me as I have mentioned multiple times that I do think it’s wrong and definitely against my morals to date people your ex knows/ is close to. I told her that I appreciated her telling me but quite frankly I would be upset as John is my long term friend and she’s my ex who I have quite literally been inside of. She said okay and that she respected my feelings and wouldn’t date him and I thought that would be it.

Until.

Me and Amelia somehow ended up getting closer and as of this moment we’re not dating, yet we’ve been seeing each other and going out on dates, but have not officially told anyone about it as I appreciate privacy. Rachel ended up finding out about this and rather than coming to me, she went to Emily and started ranting about it. Me and Emily have very loyal friendship where if anyone says anything about each other we will immediately tell each other about it rather than keep it a secret so that’s exactly what she did. Emily sent me screenshots of what Rachel had said and it was wild. She said that I’m “only using Amelia for sex because I can’t control my urges” and that Amelia only allows it because “she doesn’t know how to say no”, aswell as accusing me of talking to multiple other women at the same time(which I semi-understand why she accused that, as I was talking to another women a few days before deciding to get serious with Amelia and cutting the other woman off).

Honestly, it was hurtful and I spoke to Amelia about it who was also hurt and I managed to get Emily to convince Rachel to text to me about what she thought about our relationship. We spoke and unfortunately, the thing with Rachel is that she will talk a lot behind a persons back, however once confronted she’ll deny she said anything and that’s almost exactly what happened. She minimised what she actually said and told me that it feels as if I’m leading Amelia on, to which I told her that I’m actually being serious with Amelia and I wouldn’t lead her on and it feels as if she is projecting.

She apologised, yet countered it by asking “Why is it okay for you and Amelia to talk when you told me it’s not okay for me and John to talk even though Amelia and I are friends”.

AITA?

I don’t think so as I’ve known John since we were kids and Rachel has only known Amelia for a couple months. However, I do want to know whether I’m being hypocritical or if they’re definitely not comparable as it’s 2 different levels of friendship.