I (30F) was in a group chat with 3 other women, Allison (31F), Megan (31F), and Jen (32F).

We have been close friends since high school and have used the group chat as a place to talk and also vent. Allison and Jen have gone through severe depression, relationship/family issues, and more.

My father passed away in November 2024. His birthday was April 1.

I have had ongoing issues with my live in mother in law. Megan lived with her boyfriend’s parents for a long time, and it severely impacted her mental health. Allison also has issues with her MIL. We have all used the group chat to vent about these problems.

A couple months ago, Megan decided to leave the group chat for issues not related to me. She and I were the most active participants in the chat. The dynamic in the chat shifted after she left, and I was more active than others, but still asking the other two about their lives and problems.

This Thursday I had a major argument with my MIL and then my husband. I was in crisis and decided to visit my hometown and stay there for 4 days. From Thursday-Tuesday, I vented to the group extensively about what I was dealing with (both my issues at home and feelings about my dad).

On Wednesday, Allison sent a long message to the group saying I had turned the group into a “crisis hotline” and am not taking steps to change or improve my situation. She also said I have been in crisis for 6 months, which I don’t feel is true (and 6 months is very close in date to when my dad passed).

I would have no issue if she said she needs a break for her mental health and cannot hold space for friends. I felt her message was borderline cruel.

When Allison left the chat, she said “I hope you both feel like you can directly reach out/message me to keep in touch”. I sent her a message about the same length as the final message in group chat, and did not hear back. I felt incredibly hurt and sent another message today, mentioning other points I did not think of in the first message.

She replied, and in the message said that my dad lived a full life (he had me at 59 and my mom was 40, so I will lose both parents at a much earlier age than most of my peers. She said I “completely dismissed” her very cherished dog passing less than a year ago. When her dog passed, I offered support and condolences in the group chat. She says I had “rich parents” (based on my mom’s current financial situation, it is very likely that I will get no inheritance at all). My parents weren’t wealthy, just older and retired with more disposable income. She said I had a college fund. Her parents also paid for her college education.

She and her husband are very well off and he has generational wealth. They are currently living abroad for a year and she has had difficulty adjusting and experienced depression.

She says I am making “everyone’s struggle a competition” and I don’t think that’s true. I think there is a sense of scale, and not all problems have the same sense of severity, particularly problems that can be solved with money. She also says it was wrong for me to send a second message when I didn’t respond to the first.

AITA?