Hi Reddit. I’m f(37), and English is not my first language, so I apologize in advance if anything isn’t clear. This is a long story, but I hope someone can give me perspective or advice.

A couple of years ago, I joined a Bollywood dance group (let’s call it K Dance). The instructor wasn’t the best dancer, but she was fun and talked a lot about women supporting each other. I loved being there and made a lot of friends. I’m naturally bubbly, and I thought people liked me.

I became very close friends with two people from the class V and D. The three of us were like a little trio, always laughing and going out. I considered V like a brother. Everything felt great.

But in September 2023, my life fell apart. • I was diagnosed with endometriosis and had surgery. • I found out I couldn’t get pregnant naturally, and IVF was too expensive for us. • I was laid off from my dream job. • The medication for my health condition put me into menopause and gave me clinical depression. I had mood swings, was suicidal, cried for hours, and completely lost myself.

My husband was my rock through all of this, and I wouldn’t be alive without him.

I took a break from dance for a month. V was busy with family. D was very supportive, and I’ll always be grateful for that.

During this time, D and V had a falling out, partially because of another classmate (let’s call her Puja). She’s quiet and introverted, and while she used to pretend to be my friend in front of me, I later found out she was telling others behind my back that she didn’t like me. That hurt a lot. I also found out she was planning hangouts without me and lying that I had said I wasn’t interested which I hadn’t. I was already in a fragile state, and it felt like I was being left out intentionally.

Then came the biggest mistake of my life.

At a Friendsgiving party, someone told me Puja made the pani puri I was eating. In a moment of anger and mental distress, I walked up and threw my plate in the trash. Puja wasn’t there, but everyone else saw. I instantly regretted it. Later, I messaged the group and explained I was taking a break due to mental health.

I told the instructor I would still perform in one last event dance was my happy place but when I showed up, she told me she didn’t like “sad and depressed” people around her and kicked me out. It broke me.

During this time, my husband needed foot surgery and couldn’t walk. I was the breadwinner, and now we were both jobless. Then, my mother-in-law kicked us out of her house. D offered to let us stay with her again, I’m truly thankful for that.

Eventually, my husband recovered, we got jobs, and we moved out in June. But before we moved out, D threw me a surprise birthday vacation in May. Life started feeling stable again.

Then in July, I ended a friendship with someone (Ria) who asked me for permission to cheat on her husband. I didn’t make a scene, I just calmly said I couldn’t be friends with someone who thought that way. Only D, my husband, and one other friend knew about it.

Everything seemed okay until recently. In January, I called D about reconnecting with some dance group friends. During that call, D suddenly told me that she and another classmate “like to have fun” and don’t want to be forced to choose friends. Then she brought up the Puja incident over a year later and said I “have issues with everyone” and started listing all my past actions.

She also told me that the dance instructor had come to her and asked about my falling out with Ria apparently because Nick (another dance student) had mentioned it to her. So D told her everything. That shocked me, because I never spoke to Nick about Ria at all. I don’t know why he would say anything, and it felt like a huge betrayal that D would just share my private story like that and accuse me of being a drama.

Another thing that’s been painful is how D reacts when I say anything about the instructor. If I ever vented about how she treated me especially the comment about not wanting depressed people around D would get upset and accuse me of putting her in a bad position by talking about her. But every time D changes her opinion about someone, she starts blaming me saying I was the one who thought the instructor was my friend, I was the one who had expectations, and I was the one who misunderstood things. That’s not true. My only complaint was that the instructor lacked empathy. It’s not about how close you are with someone it’s about having basic compassion for what someone is going through.

But the thing is, D herself has said so many negative things about the instructor how she’s not a good dancer, how she wears cheap dresses, and how she doesn’t know how to behave. Yet in front of others, D pretends to be neutral and act like she has no problem with her. It feels really hypocritical.

I was shocked by everything D said. I thought we had moved past all that. I cried on the phone. I felt completely blindsided. She also told people in the group about the Ria situation, which I had kept private. I was devastated.

Since then, I’ve felt anxious, betrayed, and heartbroken. I know I made mistakes when I was mentally unwell, but I’ve worked so hard to heal and become better. I even started therapy but had to stop when I got laid off again recently.

I miss my friend. I want to fix things. But I feel like she doesn’t see that I’ve changed like she’s holding my worst moment against me forever. I feel judged. I feel like maybe people will always remember me for my worst day.

My husband says to move on, but I’m stuck. I feel alone. I don’t want to die, but I sometimes feel like people will never see the real me again. I don’t have friends I can talk to.

So Reddit… AITA for breaking the friendship with D? Or for not just moving on when she brought up the past? What should I do?

TL;DR: f(37), went through major health and life issues in 2023, made a bad mistake at a party, got kicked out of a dance group, and leaned on my close friend D. Now she brought up all my past mistakes and told others about private matters. I ended the friendship, but I feel broken and unsure if I’m wrong.