EDIT: I never expected even one response, let alone multiple! Thank you everyone for taking the time to read this, and for telling me your thoughts. It really means a lot to me.

I will try my very best to keep this short and concise but the situation is so complicated. I would deeply appreciate advice because I really don’t know what to do.

I (F24) met my best friend (F24, let’s call her Tara) as she was just getting out of an incredibly abusive relationship. It was a scary time as he was threatening her and I genuinely thought he would kill her. I helped her through the breakup, watched her heal, watched her glow and flourish and that made me so so so happy.

Fast forward two years later, Tara is in a relationship but meets someone new (let’s call him Damon, because it sounds like demon and that’s fitting). Damon looks VERY similar to her abusive ex which is what drew her to him in the first place. She cheated on her bf with Damon while I was visiting her and her bf (obviously I told her it’s a dick move but she wouldn’t listen). That was a rough week as I got pulled into the middle of their argument, and I saw a side of her I had never seen before. She had NO empathy for her boyfriend and I was crying a lot in that week because it just broke my heart. So I left.

She got together with Damon who very quickly turned out to be 100x worse than her ex. He’s addicted to cocaine, he’s incredibly abusive (physically and mentally). He takes ALL of her money and doesn’t care for her one bit. That was one year ago.

End of last year (October), she came to visit me because she thought their relationship had ended and she didn’t want to be alone. I was happy to be there for her - We went through some traumatic things together and I just wanted to see her glow again, and to get my best friend back. It wasn’t the end of their relationship. During her visit, he would call literally (!) every 15 minutes to control her. He would verbally abuse her to the point of her crying, screaming and shaking. He also threatened to find me and set me on fire (he thought I was the reason his relationship is failing) Watching her like that broke my heart, and I saw her like that every day for a week. She left, still being in a relationship with him.

The next weeks and months we spent HOURS every. single. day. talking about her situation. And every time, I got my hopes up that she could finally leave. She didn’t. She went to visit him in another country and lied to me about it until I found out myself.

Then, in December, some news came out about him (again, the whole situation is so incredibly complicated) and she broke up with him AGAIN. We even went to the police to keep her and me safe from him. That break lasted two weeks and I thought it was finally over, I was overjoyed.

Nope.

After two weeks, he contacted her again, and she got back together with him.

A couple of weeks ago I had a massive nervous breakdown (due to work, burnout, trauma, and I am sure, also due to being there for her 24/7. LITERALLY 24/7.). Last night, she called me again in tears because he was abusive again.

I want to be there for her and I want her to get better. I don’t want to be selfish, but talking to her about this for hours on end is exhausting. I would be happy to take this on if it helped her but nothing ever changes. It feels like I’m in a toxic relationship as well - Always getting my hopes up, always getting disappointed again. I know it’s a complicated situation and it’s super hard to leave but I don’t know what to do. She’s coming to visit me soon, I told her to come when she’s not in contact with him as I don’t want his energy in my apartment. She understood, she’s planning to end it this week and come on Sunday. But, I’m terrified that they will get back together while she’s here, and then I will have to witness the cruelty all over again.

I just can’t be there for her anymore. Hours and hours of talking with no end in sight. I can’t keep watching her be treated like this. I don’t want to end the friendship but I’m just so exhausted.

I really tried to keep it short, there are so many more details that make the situation fucked up. For example, apparently, he’s wanted in Macedonia for murder.

AITA?