Context: My boyfriend(43) and I(38)have been in a relationship for nearly three years. We live together and have three children in the house. I have a teenager and his kiddos are 8 and 10. We do incredibly well together until we have a conflict. He is avoidant, and has the tendency to end things with me every time he is angry. We were working on couples therapy thru the Gottman Method and trying to rebuild trust which was lost to catching him in several lies over the years, and his habit of breaking up every time we have a conflict.

Here's what happened. A few months ago, he mentioned a trip to Mexico with his friends and that it was a couples trip and asked if I would like to go. I of course said yes! A few days later he informed me that his buddy had decided it was a guys only trip. I understood and still encouraged him to go and that I would spend that week visiting my family out of state. Fast forward to the trip. I am sitting on the beach and receive a selfie of him, his friend, and two women at a table drinking margaritas. Turns out, it was not a guys trip at all. It's my BF, his buddy, his buddy's wife, and her bestie. My BF claims he had no idea plans had changed again and that his buddy just forgot to tell him. I don't buy it. Without even talking to me about how I would feel, he told me he was going to make the best of it and have a good time. I had a problem with that. So we went back and forth arguing. He claims he did nothing wrong but wants to see me when he gets back. I said that requires that he take an STD test and that I will not risk my health and peace of mind. He refused and made threats and claims I am the one in the wrong and I need to deal with my insecurities, paranoia, and lack of trust and demanded for me to apologize to him. Throughout all of this, I was uploading our entire conversation into CHATGPT which was pretty damning. So instead of trying to get my BF to listen to me, I just started sending him the screen shots from CHATGPT. You can imagine how that went. So because he decided to stay and refuses to be tested when he gets back, I ended things. He claims I am overreacting and trying to ruin his vacation. My heart is broken over the kiddos. I love and adore them. Making this decision has been so hard. AITA for not working thru this and keeping our family together?

A few updates: I just recently started using CHATGPT during conflict. My BF likes to employ DARVO tactics and I will be honest, very good at convincing me I am crazy. Only since starting therapy and reading books on healthy relationships, did I start to realize that he is verbally, mentally, and emotionally abusive. Using CHATGPT breaks our responses down and helps me avoid falling into the shame/guilt spiral.

The kiddos are with their mom this week. We have a great relationship and I plan to call her tomorrow.

I do realize that requiring an STD test is probably pointless. It can take months for some things to show up. My immediate concern was the super common ones. I have him blocked right now.

I do not know any of these people that he is in Mexico with. I appreciate everyones feedback! I have a great support system and my family also has my back. The hardest part is losing the kiddos. We are super close and it hurts so much. I can tell you the heartbreak has little to do with him and everything to do with the kids. I hate it. I really do.

*Ex BF. This is all very recent and I need a bit to get used to the change.