Yeah so… this is more of a vent than anything. Just getting it out because I never got to tell it to anyone.

I (M) met this girl. I was usually the chill, quiet type. She was cute, super outgoing. Like the total opposite of me. We met at this party and ended up following each other on Insta. Next thing I know, she sends me a random meme. I responded to the meme, we had a conversion and that was kinda it. She wasn't even my type, infant, she was quite the opposite. Anyway somehow we just started talking and not just random convos, I mean talking. Like 5-6 hours every day. I’d get off work and boom, we’re on call or texting non-stop till like 5 - 6 AM.(I was working all day) She’d always text first. Ask how I was, if I got off work yet. If I hadn’t, she’d say “Okay, I’ll wait” — like damn.

She gave me this nickname too. Didn’t like it at first but ended up loving it so much I started signing stuff with it. Wild.

And yeah, feelings hit. Fast. Like way too fast. Not even my type, not even close. But she made life feel... better. I had a lot going on back then and somehow with her around, stuff didn’t feel so heavy, in fact, my life started to come together. Everything started to get better. Maybe that’s why. Also, she was religious too, like me — not super strict, but she prayed and that kinda mattered to me.

I fell hard. We weren’t just joking around or flirting, we had these deep convos. Really caring ones. She knew how to check in. Always made sure I ate. Like actually made me send her proof. We’d even say the same things at the same time — those lil “what the hell” moments that make your chest feel warm.

A month or so in, I knew I had feelings. No doubt. And she kinda gave signs too. Like the music she’d send, the way she talked. Felt like something was there. So I gave signs back. Didn’t straight up confess 'cause I didn’t wanna rush it, ya know? Everything had already moved so fast. So I just waited…

But then, it all started slipping. She stopped texting first. Replies got slower, shorter. I’d be waiting, falling asleep with my phone in hand. And then boom. Gone. Just slowly faded out of my life. And I was still sitting there, fully in love, completely blindsided.

That was over a year ago. And I still can’t forget her. I’ve even been in another relationship since then. Still can’t. And yeah, maybe she really just saw me as a friend. Maybe I misread it. But God! the way she talked to me, cared for me, that wasn’t just “friend” energy. I’ve got female friends. We roast the hell out of each other. It was different with her. Way different.

I never told anyone all this. Just needed to put it somewhere. 'Cause after she drifted, I broke down. Hell rained upon me, everything in my life started to fall apart. I lost my business, friends, everything. I was diagnosed with Anxiety, depression, panic attacks. It got bad. But now I’m doing better. Still healing. Just… needed to get it out. Sometimes going back, thinking about it makes me feel like a dumb as*$hole.