I (25 M) started dating my gf (21 F) when I met her at a ballroom dance studio in 2023. At that point we both had been in the hobby for a couple of years and met and fell in love through the hobby. Half of our relationship was long distance since she went to college out of state and I had already graduated and gotten a job.

I'll start by saying I am not the jealous type. I have had girlfriends before that I have taken dancing, and we both understood that it is alright to dance with other people. My gf does comptetitive ballroom dancing at her college and she has 2 guys that are her partners for competitions. I have met them and one of them also had a girlfriend at the time and the other guy seemed like a good man. She used to go to line dancing clubs and latin dance clubs with her friends often, and I don't worry about her cheating since those places are more focused on dancing than hooking up with other people. I also trusted a majority of the friends she went with. This all happened when she was in a different state, but I trusted her.

After a minor argument when she went to a frat party, we established a system in which she would send me the time she would spend out, location, and people at the event. I also promised to follow that system, but I stopped going to dance clubs when she wasn't around out of respect. On the one instance I did go out to my friend's party, I followed protocol. I think the system was fair and we both developed it together.

I think that it is also necessary to establish the habits she had while we were dating in person. I want to say that 75% of the time, she was late by 2 hours to our dates. And her reasoning was always that she would spend more time talking to her mom or dad than she expected. She also complained often about staying up late. By the time 11:00 p.m. hit, she was sleepy, and one time told me that she was annoyed by me wanting to have a conversation at 1:00 a.m. I would bring up this concern and she would fix things for a couple of days but then she would revert to being late. She also rejected any dates when I would plan for us to go to dance clubs. In fact, she would always immediately reject any fun outings with me. This would have been acceptable, but she never behaved this way while she was away.

At college she would always stay up past 2:00 a.m. with her friends and make late night food runs with them. She was also on time to every outing with her friends and would cut our calls short to get ready to see her friends. I tolerated this since I didn't want to seem clingy.

The real problem started when she left to study abroad in Latin America. About 2 weeks in, she decided she wanted to go to a party with the other 2 girls that lived in the same house that she was assigned to. I didn't know who these girls were and she had only known them for 2 weeks. Apparently, the party was thrown to celebrate the start of the college semester. She was so happy, and despite the fact that she told me she was nervous to attend, she was overall voicing excitement.

The plan was that she would go to some person's house at 6:00 p.m. and they would pregame. Then they would go to the city and go to a club and return home by midnight. Their host mother had a rule about the girls traveling alone or ubering at night. They needed to be together if they were going to go out at night.

I had shown discomfort to her since she was in a foreign country, and she was going to a club not meant for dancing. My thoughts on night clubs is that these places are for grinding, twerking, and sexual activities. And when I looked up the club ( I got it from the instagram posts her friends made), it seemed like the type of club that was for people to grind on each other. Had she gone to a Latin dance club, I would have felt better about the situation. And I had told her what I thought. She dismissed me and called me insecure and still went. She still promised me that we would use the system we established to update me hourly.

The day came and she went to party. As time passed by, she didn't update me, and all she sent me were simple messages that said: "I love you!" As far as I know, that is not the system we set. Even worse, she partied until 4:00 a.m. which means she stayed out 4 more hours than I expected. So for a period of 10 hours all I got were 3 messages that said: "I love you" and these were all sent before midnight. Then she sent me a snapchat video at 4:30 a.m. talking about how much fun she had and how she rejected alot of men that approached her. In the video, she looked sweaty and her hair was a mess. She had also worn a very revealing tanktop. I was fearing the worst case scenario.

The next few days I was distant until I suddenly couldn't take it anymore and called her out on it. I told her that she didn't use the system for updates we set up, but she claims that "I love you" is the most valid update she could have sent. I also called out how she never stayed up late with me but was so happy staying up late to go clubbing. She said she was tired of me not trusting her. But I told her that she never seemed excited about staying up late and partying when I was with her. She claims I am in the wrong, but I think she is the one who violated my trust. AITA?