This is a throwaway for reasons that are about to become obvious.

I (24F) and my partner (22M) get told every time we go to any family event, to take a shower beforehand & get asked to do laundry. This in of itself isn't all that offensive, but the reasoning behind it kind of is, imo and I hate that I have to make this post. I'm typing on Mobile so apologies if this has awful formatting.

My step dad (54M) complains to my mom (44F) that he can smell my genitals. This has happened on multiple occassions. Now I recognize some people have stronger body funk, but this has also happened (unbeknownest to them) on days where I had showered an hour early & did laundry in the same time frame.

To add to this, My past partners (as this has been going on for years) have NEVER said they can smell me, and I've never been smelling myself when this happens. I can definitely smell myself, when I'm stinky. And well before my partners can. So to me, if you, a grown man, can not only smell me but know it's me despite not being intimately involved with me, that's a huge red flag. Like huge. This also includes current partner, we're talking a total of 4 seperate people have said this is BS.

But, My mom doesn't seem bothered by it at all, just embarassed, and she does try to be discreet to her credit. She isn't overly rude, but I did ask her, as another person with the same equipment if she can smell me. I have only ever recieved one yes, and she admitted it was extremely faint, and after a work out.

For context, I usually shower and change after any heavy lifting if I can help it. And it's not as though I'm only in there for 2 minutes. I make sure everything is cleaned, and, because of this issue it's become a nervous habit to wash up extra before going to see them. Both for me, and my partner.

My mom is aware of this. She has been told numerous times that we do this, beforehand. There is no reason to continue to text "can you please take a shower / wash your clothes before coming over" at this point.

Before anyone brings these points up:

• Not allergy related, I'm the one with allergies.
• No pets, so not pet related.
• All clothes brought & Worn have been washed the day before or the day of the visit.
• I do understand if we're staying over night or for a couple nights, the concern/comment, but not the day of a visit.

Also! Any attempt to call step dad out on being gross (other shit has happened but would be too identifying to share) has been met with disdain, and shaming! So calling him a perv, while it would be satisfying, and vindicating, is sadly not an option. It'd just prevent me from seeing my mom, and I don't speak to my bio dad. She's basically my whole family. She has stood up for me when she knows I've taken a shower/done laundry recently and he tries this shit, but this is not every time, and seldom happens, likely because she wants to keep the peace.

No TDLR sorry, I don't think I can clip any context out of this. AITA or is it ridiculous to text every time we visit? (Also, Am I the weird one, or am I right that's perverse & weird?)

Thanks folks. I'm just fed up with being treated like the ahole for getting offended when it's sent every single time. My partner is getting fed up too.

Editing original post to address this, as it's come up a few times now: Why are you fighting for a relationship with your mom? Don't you know that she is failing you? In short, No. I didn't realize.

At length, cw for sexual assault / P*do shit. (Not my mom as that's come up too.)

>! One of her boyfriends assaulted me as a minor, we're talking not even double digits. She didn't believe me, until she came home early, and caught him because I kicked him and gave him a black eye. He was convicted and sent to prison. !< This has been a pattern, my whole life, and I had no idea it was supposed to be different. She's the only mom I've got after all.

I thank everyone who's responded, and let me know what routes to take if I think it genuinely is an issue! I also appreciate knowing I'm not alone in my POV and though it was kind of a shock, emotionally, I do appreciate people pointing out she should be standing up for me more than she has been, and that some of you would rather go to jail than let this sort of thing happen. (Bless, your kids are so lucky to have you!) I'm taking all of your advice on board. I'm probably gonna switch back to my regular reddit account, I just wanted to add this.