I (22M) have been best friends with my roommate (22M) for about three years now. We were so close people would even call us “brothers,” so we decided to move in together last year.

About a year ago, I started seeing this girl (21F). We weren’t officially together, but we went on dates, introduced each other to our friend groups, and got close — at least I thought so. Every time I tried to have the “what are we” conversation, she would avoid it or change the topic. After months of this back-and-forth, I finally decided to cut things off about three months ago because it was clear she wasn’t serious, even though it left me pretty heartbroken. I’ve been trying to move on since, but honestly, I still miss her.

Fast forward to a few weeks ago — my roommate started teasing me more often about relationships, which isn’t unusual for us, but this time something felt off. Then, when we were out with friends, he randomly brought her up in conversations more than once. I brushed it off at first, thinking he was just being dumb.

Later that night, we were chilling at home and talking about life. I casually asked him if he was seeing anyone or planning another casual fling (he's the "hookup type" while I’m more into long-term stuff). For the first time ever, he dodged the question and refused to tell me, which immediately raised some red flags. That night I couldn’t shake the feeling that something was going on.

I couldn’t confront him directly without proof, so when he wasn’t home, I checked his iPad, which was logged into his Instagram. What I found absolutely crushed me. He and my crush had been texting nonstop — planning to hook up the next day, making dirty jokes, and even laughing about how they could keep it hidden from me. Reading those messages was like a punch to the gut. The person I trusted most and the girl I liked were both talking about me behind my back, treating me like a joke.

When he came home, I confronted him immediately. At first, he denied everything until I told him I saw the messages on his iPad. That’s when he completely flipped the script — instead of owning up to it, he accused me of being mentally unstable, said I had “obsession issues” with people who don’t like me back, and tried to make the whole thing about me invading his privacy.

I get it — checking his iPad was 100% wrong. I don’t deny that. But the betrayal hit so much harder than any guilt I felt for looking. What hurt most was him playing the victim and acting like I was the problem, completely ignoring the fact that he was about to hook up with someone he knew I had feelings for.

Since then, we’ve barely spoken, even though we still live together. The girl texted me too, apologized, and told me she stopped talking to him — I kept it short and let the conversation die. But honestly, I’ve been spiraling ever since. I feel betrayed, depressed, and like I can’t trust anyone anymore.

So yeah — I know I crossed a line by going through his iPad, but does that make me the asshole, considering what I found?