I'm 23F and live with my parents and my 17M brother. For some context: a few years ago I found out I'm a lesbian, and I did it in a very traumatic way, which was one of the reasons why I didn't straight up tell my parents everything. There were many signs, now that I think of it, that would have led me to this realisation, but this is another story.

The other reason why I didn't come out to my parents till last october is that I didn't feel safe enough to tell them: I had the feeling that they wouldn't have liked it, based on their opinions on the LGBT+ community (things like "it's ok when it's about others, not us" kinda things) and the fact that my mother explicitly told me that "she can't stand lesbians". But they still claim they're not homophobic...

Now, I met a girl last september and we've been together since: it's something serious, we already can't wait to live together. In october I came out to my parents, and their reaction, as I imagined, was bad: my mother thinks I'm going to live "half a life" because I will not have a man to "protect me", take me out to dinner and buy me flowers and to have children with (as if a man's only purpose for a woman is to be a bodyguard, a provider and a baby-machine? The only thing my girlfriend can't do is get me pregnant lol). She thinks something went wrong with my education and that I seem crazy because I see my girlfriend all day long when we have our dates, twice or three times a week (we live 100km far from each other). We can't make videocalls because my mom feels violated, saying that it's like "this girl is entering our house" and she "doesn't want to hear my conversations", but on the other hand she would feel betrayed if she knew that I call my girlfriend when she's out, or when I'm out.

I can't either go to her house, because my mom and brother are allergic to cats, and my girl has 3 cats and 2 bunnies (but I'm not allergic). I theoretically can go to houses with animals, but I have to wash myself and my clothes afterwards, as soon as I get home (my mom had trauma because of extreme allergic reaction, so I get that she's scared); but when it got to me going to my girlfriend's house, my mom tried to convince me not to go because it would be frequent ecc, various excuses to prevent me to get intimate with her eventually (she can't enter my house; if I can't go to hers, how can we possibly be alone together?). Also, my dad thinks I'm egoistic for wanting to go to her house, because according to him the rules we have for these situations are not enough and I don't respect the medical conditions of others.

I'm so tired, because I feel like I have a chain on my neck, and I just want them to be happy for me. It's difficult for me to stand my ground, because my mother is very manipulative; I've been a victim of this system my whole life and it's hard for me to stay firm on my convictions, I get agitated and feel the urge to get defensive. My explanations, for some reasons, are never enough. Luckily, my girlfriend and her family are veeery supportive, so I feel blessed, understood and welcomed.

My parents made certainly some progress, just by acknowledging the presence of my girlfriend in my life, but they tell me not to cross their boundaries and they claim I don't understand their position. For them, she is just an "experience" I'm having, and they guilt trip me because "we let you go out with her, we let you go on a trip with her, so why would you even go at her house, or meet her parents?"

The thing is, she is doing a master in september; it's gonna be abroad, so either we go live together or we continue our relationship long distance. We already know we don't want to go long distance (we can't stand a week not seeing each other lol), so the plan would be I go with her in whatever place she will go and write my thesis in the meantime (I'm finishing my master too). But I already know my parents will not approve: they're certainly not ready to see me moving out yet, and with a woman?? They will not like it. So either I live my own life with her and move out of this toxic house (I started unexplainably losing my hair, I suppose it's from stress), or I stay with my parents, suffering both for their disapproval and for missing my girlfriend.

I just want to find a compromise, but I feel like every effort I'll make will not be seen by my parents. And I just want to be loved by them the way I am.

So, AITA? Am I asking too much? What can I do to sort things out?

Thanks for your time and attention