AITA FOR LEAVING MY WIFE BECAUSE SHE WONT LET THE PAST GO

Hi I do apologize for my grammar English isn't my first language. Ok so me let's call c male 34 my wife p 33 Me and my wife have been on and off for about 16 years we met in high school and fell in love she was my high school sweetheart. I was very immature back in the day and I end up going to jail a couple times and she left me. We got back together when she was 19 and I was 20 and I messed that up too and went to jail again and we split up again Then about 4 years ago. I was at a halfway house and I was thinking about her so I decided to reach out to her to my surprise she answered. From that moment on we started again and this is where the story starts First two years was great not many problems got engaged a married and knew we wanted to be each other for the rest of our lives. Well about 2 years ago I had about 14 people in my life die around the same time and I got into a very big depression and I relapsed on drugs right before I relapse we found out that my wife was pregnant I was very excited about 2 months 3 months into the pregnancy is when I relapsed I had this from my wife and I was gone a lot I was gone more than I was at home I end up staying at my mom's at some family members and all that for weeks at a time using and stayed away from home for weeks at a time My wife was furious and she would call me Non-Stop wondering where I was at first you didn't she didn't start calling me non-stop until a couple months in which is understandable During the time of her pregnancy she ended up getting preeclampsia and home syndrome and she almost died three times while pregnant with our daughter Also doing the pregnancy like I said I relapse now it's in a really big depression and I didn't want to bring that home to them and whatnot well while I was gone through weeks I did end up having two affairs and cheated on my wife with multiple different women while she is at home pregnant and with her other two children.
She did find out about one of my affair partners while she is 7 months pregnant and she only found out because my affair partner decided to send my wife photos of us in bed together because my affair partner was upset that my wife tagged me in a post on Facebook My wife ended up in the hospital that night and almost gave early birth but the doctor was able to stop it When she gave birth to her daughter our daughter was a month early and my wife was very sick and had to stay in the hospital for a little over a week she did almost die the day after from a seizure. Once my wife went home with our child I didn't see them for 2 weeks then I finally went home for a day or two then I went back to one of my affair partners place for a little while I ended up explaining to my wife that I relapsed and she was pissed
She found out about my second affair partner after giving birth to our daughter about a couple weeks after and was pissed and kicked me out

Now I don't I think this next part is completely my fault but it could be I could be wrong So while using I know my wife was in a depression herself and had really really bad postpartum She ended up finding one of my stashes in the car when I was home one day and after that she started using with me a little bit she had never used drugs ever in her life before this We got into a huge fight one day and I threatened to do s by cop and I called the cops on myself and since I did that CPS got involved with our children and our children was taken due to domestic violence on my part and the drug abuse. I understand this was a huge thing for my wife because she has always been a really good mother to our children and has always held it down for her other two kids no matter what and this is the first time she's ever missed anything for her kids She ended up missing our daughter's first birthday and a couple of offered first holidays and that's something that hurts my wife really badly Right before we got our children taken away I ended up going to prison and wasn't there for most of the case

She did get the children back.

I am explaining this because I do understand that I messed up really bad and I understand I did wrong.

We did just recently get our children back Now where I might be the a****** at is because my wife keeps bringing up how a lot of this is my fault which I agree and I have apologized over and over and over again I just got out of prison so I haven't been able to do too much She still doesn't trust me and anytime I leave the house she asks me where I'm going she looks at my phone to see if I'm talking to any other females I keep telling her it's time to let the past go and move on she says that she has forgiven me but she hasn't forgot what I did to her I understand that I messed up but it's time to move on and if she can't move on I can't destroy myself while fixing her that's not fair to me I am doing my best to change I'm doing my best to be a different person and I wish she could see that She just refuses to she says that she does see a change in me but she still can't trust me and I'm done trying to prove to her that I've changed and I told her either she needs to drop it and let it go or I'm going to leave and move on with my life and we can co-parent I keep telling her I'm not going to destroy myself by fixing you AITA THX

Edit 2 I think I need to clarify some things I kind of made myself out to look like the bad guy a lot of it but it's not that I want her just to let it go and move on like a nothing happened it's just I want her to see how I have changed I want her to see that I am a good man and that I love her more than anything in this world the other woman's that I was with I did not love them I was only using them I only love her and only want to be with her and I wish she would understand that instead of trying to make me feel bad an not trusting me

Or if anyone can give me advice on how to make it better. How can I help her move on so we don't loose our family i love her I really don't want to lose her Edit forgot to say we are both sober