So I (21F) have been seeing a girl (26F) for a while. We have gone on 4 dates now, each one has been INTENSE and so much fun. I have slept over every time. The last date was so magical. We went to the zoo, then the beach, then cooked dinner and baked cookies and had wine. She’s so hot and confident and very successful. She insists that she pays for everything, does not let me pay for a thing not even my own bus pass to the zoo. She says she likes being the breadwinner, being in control/making the decisions exc.

I’ve only ever had one relationship before and it was with a man. She’s only been with women and she told me she usually dates much older. Like 35+. She was actually set to be married next month. (She was engaged last year). I’m the youngest she’s ever dated. I feel special. And I’m falling for her so hard.

Despite some baby red flags - like when we were eating at the zoo she abruptly decided it’s time to go to see more animals when I barely made a dent in my food but felt bad cause she paid/ she is really dominant which is hot but like when we were just watching tv she would randomly choke me, and squeezed my skin too hard and I said “that hurts” and she said “I don’t care”. It felt a little too much in the morning but again all things I need to learn to speak up more.

We have great conversations and talk lots. She’s told me before how she wants a wife and family, she wants her wife / future partner to be more submissive in general not just in bed, she said she can give her future partner a very good life because of her job and that she’s only dating for marriage now. After we made cookies when I last saw her she brought up this 46 year old woman she’s seeing. I just acted natural. It’s fine cause we are just dating and not exclusive. But on my way home after listening to casual by chapel roan on repeat I texted her and I asked her if she just wants casual with me

She replied that she definitely likes me and it just depends on my thoughts on non monogamous as she’s ideally searching for a nesting partner

I had to google what most of this means. I personally only want monogamous, but I said that’s fine because I’m scared saying no will make me lose her. And also because she’s only spoke about monogamous before, maybe she just said that to me until I graduate? Because she’s said in the past that maybe I’d be serious once I graduate. I don’t know. Please someone give me thoughts because my heads confused and I feel bad.