Him and I have been friends for quite some time. We met in high school and are likely to go to the same university, studying the same subject. We're fairly close, and he's always been open with me, sharing personal stories and being grateful for not judging him.

We grew especially close when he got himself a trans partner (female to male) and I was one of the only people supporting their relationship. I will be referring to the partner as 'they'. I was proud and happy for him. We're both from rather conservative families, and he seemed elated to be with his partner. I met his partner after a play I was in after inviting them both to the premiere. They were nice, I liked them, and it made me even happier for the both of them. I added them on Instagram, but we didn't talk much, except for a few jokes here and there.

Then, about a year of them dating, they text me, saying that my friend had threatened them with killing himself, because they had wanted to break up. I was taken aback and extremely disappointed in my friend, but I tried to withhold my judgement, and talked to the both of them. They told me that they had had minor disagreements before this fight, but this one had been especially bad. They had felt unheard and ignored by my friend. They wanted to break up, upon which my friend had texted them that he would end his life.

I talked to both parties. He tells me that he was only joking, that it was a reference to their past. One of their exes had threatened to unalive himself. I told him that was unacceptable, that, even if it were joke, he had been insensitive and unempathetic. He responded that I did not know enough, by which he might be right. Still, his partner sends me screenshots of long paragraphs of text sent by him, in which he complains that they had a much better life than him, had unused potential, and were still destroying themselves with self-harm and cigarettes. He called them ungrateful, "fucking stupid", and told them to "pump themselves with hormones" among other things.

This back and forth with him continues, both between him and I and him and them. I receive more screenshots of him manipulating them to confirm his answers in case I was to ask them (he had told me that they were merely "emotional" and "impulsive", which I questioned).

This is the part I feel sort of conflicted about: During their initial argument, he had been the one to initially beg them not to break up, or to do so "in a healthy manner". Towards the end of it, they were the one begging him to try again. And they wanted to do so. This is when I got wind of the argument, right after they had agreed to make amends. It didn't sit right with me, partly because I knew what kind of guy he was, and because I felt she was being heavily manipulated by him. So, I told her everything.

From my experience, and his best friend's as well, he has an alaramingly lacking sense of privacy. He will not stop asking if he wants to know something, and once accused me of being "aggressive" when I had told him not to snoop over others' shoulders as they were writing letters. Additionally, he is especially flirty with others. Once I got closer to him, so did my clique. Despite having a partner at the time already, he would, in my opinion, be far too playful with my friends. Similarly, his partner confirmed to me that he had been texting some Asian girls online, only to brush it off as a joke. I also told his partner about how he had tried to ruin a girl's reputation for simply rejecting him. He trusts me, and I was friends with the female party, so I had heard the story from both sides, which was when I realised that he withheld the parts that made him look worse.

I told his partner all of this because they would not listen when I had told them that they deserved better, and that he, as he was right now, was not fit for a relationship. After I told them these things, they agreed with me, and are now ex-partners. However, I don't want anything to do with such a male friend, but he continues to try and talk to me. We both had wanted to study in Aachen (Germany), but now I'm considering going to Munich, which had been my first choice anyway.

In a fit of frustration, I ended my discussion with him by telling him to shut up. I didn't want to talk to him, yet his responses are too friendly for me to feel too angry with him as a person, but I am appalled by his actions.